FAQ's about Jack

So. Judging by the questions that we've been hearing, it must be time to update on how Jack Nickolay is doing. I'm going to try to answer as many questions as I can remember right here.

1. How is Jack doing?

He is doing absolutely wonderful!!! I am so thankful that I can
truthfully write that. After our first adoptions, we were a little
nervous about his adjustment, but our worrying was for naught. As
Jason is fond of saying, "See? It pays to worry." :) Really, though.
He is doing so well, I can scarcely believe it. It seems that he's
always been a part of our little family. He fits right in. He's
nearly always happy. He cries when he gets hurt...something we had to
teach our older two to do. Both of them would hurt themselves, jump
up, and laugh it off. Even if there was blood. It took months for
Addie to understand that it was okay to cry when she hurt herself.
Back to Jack. He gets into everything. Literally. His very favorite
spot to find trouble is in Addie's school desk. He digs and throws,
she screeches. He grins. She cries. It's very traumatic. His next
favorite thing to do is to latch onto a crayon or pencil. I can
easily tell where all he visited with his writing utensil by following
the marks on the walls and floors. He keeps us hopping.

2. How is potty training coming?

I almost hesitate to answer this as I get the feeling that some folks
think I'm nuts to even be attempting it. Maybe I am, but I love not
having to change nasty diapers! And not having to buy them!!! He
doesn't talk yet, so it's kind of a guessing game as to when he needs
to hit the potty chair. The poor chap has been running around our
house with no diaper or britches on for quite some time now...and the
end of that is finally in sight, I think!! He's learning to 'hold it'
for up to two hours at a time, and is nearly always dry after naps and
bedtime. It's kind of nice to be able to walk around our house without
having to worry about stepping in a puddle. :) Hard wood flooring in
the whole downstairs helps as I didn't have to worry about ruining the
carpet that we don't have.
post script....yesterday he actually had the nerve to let loose while
I was holding him...and again in the middle of the
kitchen floor. We're not done yet!!

3. How well does he eat?

Absolutely super!! He eats just like our first two did...like a
trooper. There are very few things that he truly doesn't like.
Oatmeal makes him gag. Fruit makes him gag. Pumpkin pie and cool whip
made him throw up his whole supper. Otherwise? Good to go. I am
feeding him off my plate even though he would be perfectly able to feed
himself. One thing we learned with our first two is that it's very
important that a child gets the 'baby stage' before we shove them into
the toddler stage. It would be so easy to give him a spoon and let him
dig in, but I feel it's so important to allow him to be a baby for a
little while. I don't know how we'll know when to let him become a big
boy. :)

4. Is he still sleeping with you?

Yes. He's still sleeping beside me in bed. It's a full bed. Really.
We have a full-sized bed and a third person in it just doesn't fit that
well!! The fix for that? Slide a toddler bed mattress on edge beside
the bed, shove the bed against it, and voila! An extra six inches!!
Typically, though, he ends up smack dab beside me so the extra inches
aren't even used. It's nice to know that I don't have to worry about
him falling out of bed.

5. How long will he sleep with you?

That remains to be seen. He will sleep with us until we sense that he
is totally comfortable and until he stops rocking his little head.
There is nothing as sad as watching a child rock him/herself to sleep.
It's amazing to me that even at his young age, he feels the need to
rock. Slowly, he is improving in that area. I rock him before each
nap and also at bedtime...which he absolutely loves!!! He will sleep
with us until he stops popping his head over the end of my pillow to
make sure that I am still there. If he wakes before we get to bed in
the evening, he is terrified when he realizes that we're not there. It
took Addie about six months in our bed and another six months on the
floor beside our bed before she was obviously comfortable enough to
head up the steps to her bedroom.

6. Are you carrying him in the pouch as you did Addie?

Some. Not nearly as much as I thought I would. He loves to be held.
Anytime I sit down during the day, he's right there waiting to back up
to my lap. Yesterday he was a grouch, so he got to sit in front of me
in the pouch while I did last minute tax preparations. He actually
loves to be carried in the pouch as well, so being hauled in that is
simply a thing to do for fun rather than a necessity at this point.

Just call us the pouch family.

7. Is he talking yet?

Not really. He wasn't talking at all when we got him and the only
thing he says now that we can understand is "uh-oh". Uses that one
a little more frequently than would be necessary!! He also hugs,
kisses, and then follows up with "ah wub oo". Too cute. Simply too
cute.

8. Can he understand everything you say?

Much to his dismay at times, yes. As with our first two, I was amazed
at how quickly he picked up on the English language. By the time we
brought him home from Russia he was understanding most of what we said.
Now? He's completely understanding us.

9. What do you call him?

Jack or Jack Nickolay or Nickolay. He answers to them all. I tend to
call him Nickolay or Jack Nickolay. Jason calls him Jack. The
children call him whatever slips out first. He still responds best to
Nickolay, but is swiftly tying the response with Jack.

I don't know if I caught them all or not, now that they're written down! I forget that adoption is so foreign to so many people. For us, it's the normal. We can't imagine bringing a brand new baby home from the hospital after a normal pregnancy. You can't imagine bringing home a walking, nearly talking child...unless of course you have done it yourself!!

At times we do sit and discuss how strange it all seems. Doing a whole lot of paperwork, traveling thousands of miles, and coming home with another child. At times we discuss what differences we would have to make in our parenting if God would choose to bless us with a biological child.

I will have to say that I don't think the differences would be that great. I'd probably carry my baby in a pouch, as odd as it seems. According to our therapist, there are just as many biological children suffering from attachment issues as there are adopted children in the US. Sad, but true. She says that the daycares, the working moms, the forcing our children to grow up too quickly....all of them are reasons for attachment issues. A baby needs to have a mother's touch. It's so hard for me to see a baby perched in a carseat during church, or in the shopping cart, or just for anyhow. I know. I've never had a baby. But it's still hard. I don't believe that there is any way to spoil a baby by holding it too much. A child needs that.

If that is the only thing we have learned, it's that a child needs to be held, needs to be hugged, needs to be rocked (even if I don't think I have the time), needs to be loved on constantly. They will grow up. They will someday be away from my constant touch. They will, too soon, not have any desire to sit on my lap. They will 'leave the nest' and I want them to leave with their love bank full and running over.

I can't do that as an absentee mom. Even if I'm home all day every day, I can still be an absentee mom. If I spend all my time browsing on the internet, or figuring out how to re-decorate my house, or sewing, or reading the latest novel, or cooking....I can't spend quality time with my children.

I'm preaching to myself here. While I don't do all the above stuff, I struggle with including my children in everything I do. It's so much easier to do it myself. BUT. I must do better.

What in the world? How did I get from answering questions about JN to talking about that? Sorry.

I need to go love on my children a little bit.....