Puppies For Sale

Do you wanna buy a puppy?!

Good.

We have six of them for sale right now.

They are adorable.

And they love the children, so I'm sure they would love your children too!!

They are AKC registered.

You can come visit them.

You can pick your own.

There are four males and two females.

We'd love to see them out the door. :) Though the children don't really share that sentiment.

Give us a call!!! 937-459-0618 Or send us an e-mail....jason@krautcreek.com

Roller Coaster

I don't like roller coasters. Not one little stitch.

The only real one that I ever rode on was at Sea World back when I was roughly 16. I hated it.

I staggered off that thing with a slightly green cast adorning my face and sat on a bench for a while to gain back control of my stomach.

That's how I feel around here some days. :)

If I could just make it to the bench.

No, really. It's not quite that bad. Most days.

We've been having one good day, followed by a super day, followed by three horrid days.

Over and over and over.

The good days are great. You know, the ones where there's only a couple minor meltdowns. Only a couple little scream fests. Only a couple little "I can't stand you, I wish you weren't my mom!" sessions. To which I respond by a smile or by saying, "Good job telling the truth!!!" Though I know that deep down inside that really isn't the truth. I'm sure (I think) that he really is thankful I'm his mom, he just may not realize it. :)

The super days are beyond great. Perhaps wonderful, or fabulous, or stupendous.

Those are the days that we all breathe a little easier. Those are the days that Addie and Jack are able to stay right by my side as well, as I'm not fearful of Will slapping or kicking or spitting on them. Those are the days that everyone eats together at the table, everyone is smiling, everyone truly seems to love each other.

And then we have the horrid days. The days where both of the older children are screaming.

Yes, Addie, too...we were told that we have to get her to talking about things that are bothering her. She has an overactive conscience, so things bother her quite frequently. To the point that she will hardly sleep at night...which strongly affects her attitude toward life in general. She spent the past 2 1/2 days sitting on her rug, with breaks for jumping on the tramp and crawling, trying to get strong enough to tell us what was bothering her. She finally did, after screaming multiple things at us and about us, after ruining the shower curtain, after kicking the wall hard enough that I heard crumbling plaster falling down inside, after smashing her cup that I took her to drink out of. That's our girl. :) Not very often thankfully. That was our girl several years ago, and she's back in a milder form after going through therapy and getting old feelings stirred up. Her lows on the roller coaster are few and far between, and for that I am beyond thankful.

Will's horrid days typically start out the night before. Take last night for example. The children were all in bed by 8:00. Addie drifted off to sleep pretty quick as she was wiped out from her stand-off. Jack was sleeping almost before his head hit the pillow as his mommy failed to lay him down for a nap yesterday. Will? He was an entirely different story.

He was in his room at 8:00 just as the other two were in theirs (though Jack is STILL sleeping on his mattress on the living room floor. Yay.) However, regardless of the little slits of eyes proclaiming that he was past exhausted, he was up til well past 11:00. So, what does he do that whole time? Oh, he's quite energetic. To say the least. He started out with jumping on his bed. Then he was standing on the headboard and turning flips off it onto the bed. Then he was standing on the bed turning flips off it onto the floor....which is quite hard, as it is hardwood covered with an area rug that now has multiple holes in it from his creative handiwork. Thankfully it came from Goodwill to start with. Then he was banging on the window, and tearing the shades down...which led to him yelling at me over and over that his shade 'fell' down and I HAD to get up there to fix it. Of course, my dear, I'll be right there. Then he was back to the bed, after a couple awesome leaps off the top of the dresser. In bed again, he screamed for about an hour that he wanted his bedroom door open. He interrupted himself to have a lovely bang-on-the-door session, and then turned somersaults on the bed WHILE screaming that he wanted his door open. Such talent. (Just to be clear, no, we don't lock him in his room. That would be far from safe. We DO make it clear that if his door happens to open, he will be practicing staying in his room for a bit the next day. He's not fond of that, so he typically stays in his room.)

That's our Will.

In the meantime, Addie was awake again and a tad scared....not knowing what trick he was going to pull next. Though the bedroom doors were shut, she could still hear the ruckus quite well, so we brought her down to sleep on the couch.

That was how the night ended. Will eventually fell asleep, I went up and re-hung his blind (the security light shines directly into his window making it far to bright to get good sleep), opened his door so some cooler air would drift in, and he came to just long enough to moan, "Mommy. Come open my door." :)

This morning? You guessed it. He's a class act. I'm sure that 99% of you would drop your teeth, dentures or no, if you could witness just one of the scream fests around here. I find myself praying through the day that the UPS man, FedEx man, or mail lady don't have to bring a package to the door. I would be mortified. BUT, don't think I'd let him know that little fact!! Actually, it likely wouldn't be a problem. He's totally embarrassed if anyone other than Jason or I witnesses his obnoxious-ness.

So far this morning, he's been attempting to sit strong for right at two hours. Though his attempts and mine are not quite the same thing. He's been rolling around on his rug, screaming all manner of things at and about me, and is quite determined to keep going, it appears. However, I have no doubt that when I start lunch here in a few minutes, he'll suddenly find the strength to sit strong. :)

And so our days go. Don't get me wrong. I have moments when it wouldn't take much at all for me to hop in the van and just leave. Not too wise though, when that would mean leaving three children seven and under home alone. I have moments when I say things I shouldn't...and then I get to practice asking for forgiveness. I have moments when I COULD lock him in his room just to get a little peace. I have moments when I am beyond my wits end and just want to quit.

And that's the truth. WALTER appears to still be alive and well in this house, though we're doing our best to eradicate him. It's hard to break habits.

As we're learning with Will. I truly believe that much of his current behavior is simply bad habits that he needs to break. Most days now, he actually only flops around about five minutes before sitting strong. And on days, like today, when he takes hours instead of minutes? I think it's to simply try to break my smile and make it into a frown. And trust me, that wouldn't be hard to do. Not at all. It takes all my energy to stay happy while being screamed at. It takes numerous prayers.

Sometime in the next few days I hope to do another post on more that we're learning. We brought home a DVD series by Nancy that has some superb information in it. Superb. Various ways to deal with different issues. Various nutrition facts...such as...did you know that to get the needed calcium for a growing child that child needs to drink one quart of milk a day? Or eat 1/4 pound of cheese? Or two pounds of broccoli? Yeah. I didn't realize that either. That's a lot of milk. And if said child doesn't get enough calcium? He/she won't sleep as needed. Guess what we're going to do now?!

And as for the post that is mysteriously no longer here? I got depressed just reading it, and deleted it. Sorry about that.

Thanks for the prayers! And while you're at it? Pray for all the families who are dealing with the same issues yet don't discuss it. Pray for all the families who see it as a mark against their parenting. Pray for all the families who are struggling with adopted or home-grown children and feel lost in how to deal with the issues that crop up.

Parenting, as we're learning, is not an easy task. Perhaps I shouldn't have been praying for more patience...God has answered my prayers by allowing me to get far more practice than I had intended. :)

Three Weeks

Changing the subject a little from the last few posts.

In just three short weeks, give or take a week or two, we should be able to meet the newest addition to our family.

I still can't believe it. :)

You would think that after knowing there's a baby on the way for nine months, after watching my tummy grow and grow and grow, after feeling the kicking and rolling, after not being able to see my toes for a couple months now, after struggling with getting out of bed every morning (not cause I'm tired, but cause I simply struggle with rolling over and sitting up), after waddling my way through my days.....

You would think that I would believe it by now, doncha think?!

I know.

I'm so thankful for such a smooth pregnancy. I'm so thankful that after the initial 18 weeks, the weeks that I didn't feel quite up to snuff, I have actually enjoyed the pregnancy.

Yep. I'm one of those. A weird one who truly hasn't minded being pregnant. Sure, I don't like the fact it's such a struggle to roll over in bed. I don't like the fact that I huff and puff just going up and down the steps.

But I have enjoyed it all otherwise.

I feel great. I feel like there is no possible way that we're only a few weeks from meeting this little shaver. I feel like I would rather be pregnant forever rather than have to go through the end of this pregnancy. :) I'm told that's not an option.

And I think my family would prefer we get to the end of this. A couple of them just want to have a baby to love on, one of them wants to have a lap back that is big enough to sit on without constantly sliding off, and the other wants to have a non-waddling wife back. :)

But what really has me concerned about this baby? What really makes me a little nervous and makes me want to hold off as long as possible rather than 'going early'?

I'm a tad worried about how our 'getting stronger' children are going to really respond to this new baby.

Addie is so completely thrilled with the fact that she will have a brand new baby to tote around. We've been gently reminding her that she won't be toting this baby anywhere..that she is just the big sister, not the mommy....but she still talks about needing to get some diapers so she can take care of the baby when mommy is sleeping. Guess we have our night nurse lined up!

Will is the one who really does concern me. I'm not the least bit worried about him hurting the new little one. I'm concerned that a new baby will make him feel, once again, like he's lost his mommy. Like his mommy has once again transferred her love to someone else. I'm concerned that he'll continue getting strong just in time to be bowled over by a newcomer in the family and we'll be back to square one. And that simply makes me tired.

Jack is going to struggle. He is the baby of the family. He LOVES sitting and rocking. He stresses out if mommy holds anyone else's baby...last time he saw me holding one of the twins, he wouldn't leave my side even to go with his daddy to get some food. That's serious. Not too much keeps him from eating. I don't think his issues will be anything different that any 'normal' child's adjustments are.

We asked while in Colorado how the foresee this new arrival affecting our children. They didn't know what to tell us other than to say that their biggest concern is that the baby will become the focal point and the other three will be lost in the dust. They said that is the worst thing that can possible happen. While 'normal' children can logically think through the fact that there is a new baby and new babies get lots of attention, children who have been rejected and abandoned will always deal with those feelings.

Bringing in a new baby could send our children into tailspins. If someone shows up and passes up the older three children on the race to the crib to see the new baby (though the new baby likely won't be in the crib but in a 'pouch' :) ), it could easily send our children the message that they are no longer an important part of our family. It could make them angry with this new little shaver who just came in and took over. It could make them resent him/her simply because he/she gets all the attention.

While I know how easy it is to ignore the older children when there's a new baby around, we were informed by Miss Nancy and Mr. James that it is imperative that we get the word out that the older children must still be acknowledged. It was a good reminder for me. While babies are miracles and we all love to meet them for the first time....that doesn't make the older children any less of a miracle.

Honestly? Back to this baby thing? I'm nervous about it all for myself. In the past eight years I can't say that I've spent much time holding babies. In fact, I guess you could say that I would deliberately steer clear of them. I used to love babies. I would go see new babies whenever I could.

When dealing with the infertility issues, I started to back off. It was too painful. It was too hard to have to swallow and blink because of the jealousy. While I was happy for the folks who had the new baby, it was sad to know that we would likely never have one of them in our home.

We drowned ourselves in the world of adoption. We decided that not having babies was just fine with us...bringing home already potty trained children isn't all bad. :)

And so, here we are. We've got baby stuff sitting around. An infant seat, a changing table, stacks of diapers, a bumbo, a stroller, etc. All that stuff that we never dreamed that we would have sitting around our house.

But God knew what was going to happen. Even way back when I started ignoring babies, He knew that I should have been paying a little more attention. He knew that someday I would have to know a little more about caring for babies than what I currently do.

Guess I'll just have to trust that He will give us the knowledge needed when the time comes. :) Just as He has for our older three children.

As far as a 'large' picture? I haven't snapped one of the traditional side view pics. Not yet. I still have a few weeks. We did take a family photo while in Colorado. We didn't match or even blend. We didn't pose in some fancy way. It was far from planned....but everyone happened to be happy at that point. Everyone was smiling. Everyone was oblivious to what the coming weeks were going to be like. :)

As far as how it's been going around here? Depends on the day. Or make that the minute. Addie has improved. She told me a few days ago that she discovered that it really doesn't work to scream and holler cause it just takes longer to get to have fun. Good discovery, little lady.

Will is still in high survival gear many days. He had one day that he never had to go to his bedroom at all and was so very proud of himself. Yesterday he spent quite a while rearranging his bedroom in the morning..and then I got to leave for the afternoon. Mom came for the whole afternoon and I went to town. Didn't need much at all but somehow I managed to spend four hours there. :) Word was when I returned that Will did super the whole time. I think he has something against me. :)

Yesterday morning if I walked too close to him I got kicked, hit, or spit on. Fun. Reminded me of the weeks of carrying Addie. However, when he does that, he has to come up with something to do that is nice for me. He chose giving me a foot massage for the spitting, giving a back rub for the kicking, and combing my hair for the hitting.

We tried to do it last night before he went to bed so it would be over and done, but he refused....so this morning I've gotten the works. The whole time I've been typing he's been giving me a backrub, before that he gave me a lovely foot rub...and oh my, you should see my hairdo for the day. :)

Honestly, I think this restitution thing is the MOST powerful of all the things we learned out there. It only makes sense that if you hurt someone you should have to do something nice for them.

But, yes, I severely digressed there. Perhaps that's my sign that I should go.

Today it's just me and the boys. Jason and Addie went to the Ohio Sheep Day for the day and the boys and I are going to have a lovely day getting strong!!!

So far, so good.

The End Of WALTER

I really don't like this guy. At all. Still.

Far too often I find myself right back in the dance.

W arning
A rguing
L ecturing
T hreatening
E xcusing and accepting E xcuses
R eminding

It's such a habit. Kind of like nibbling on my nails or picking the skin off my lips. Yes, I know that's a strange habit.

But habits are hard to break. Any kind of habit. It's so easy to slip back into saying, "If you don't do that right now you're going to have to sit strong" rather than saying, "Uh-oh! Time to practice sitting strong!!"

My days consist of firing off split second prayers to Jesus...."PLEASE DON'T LET ME DANCE WITH WALTER." "Help me to keep a smile on my lips and in my eyes." "Let me see the good in this child no matter what he's doing to me." "Help me to be the strong mommy that these children need, cause right now I feel really weak."

Those little prayers sound a tad selfish. All that praying for me and none of it for anyone else. Oops.

But right now? I feel that I need lots of prayers.

Yesterday my dear, sweet, lovable son spent 5 hours in his bedroom simply because he WOULD NOT do his crawling. For 15 minutes. Hard stuff, that is.

Yes. 5 hours. He didn't have too rough a time though. He got sent to his room because he refused to stay on his rug. Instead he was kicking cabinets, spitting on me, kicking anyone who came close, throwing whatever he could get his hands on. I sent him to his room to chill out for a few minutes...and he stretched it into 5 hours. GULP.

He had a ball, by all appearances!! We have a video camera in there so we can make sure he doesn't hurt himself, and I tell you what...it was just like watching a movie. Everything in his room was stacked on his bed multiple times (lego table, nightstand, toddler bed, shoes from his closet, clothes, blankets, etc.) and then he'd crawl around on it like it was a jungle gym. Then it would all come back off and he'd jump on the bed. Then he took the screen out of his window...which was far from safe considering he's on the second story....so his daddy nailed a fence panel over the window simply to keep him from hurting himself. Sharp. Then it was back to stacking the bed full. Then....

I went up every little bit with a glass of cold water, which he'd guzzle right down and get back to his creative room rearranging.

At the end of the five hours, he simple said, "FINE. I guess I'll sit strong." He proceeded to unload his bed, crawl into the middle of it and there he sat. Straight and strong for the thirty seconds that are required.

I can't say it was all that easy to watch him destroying his room, but it was entertaining. And sad. He is so stuck in his survival mode that it's so terribly difficult for him to give in and do as he knows he should.

The rest of the evening went great!

And that's how our days often go. He starts off with ramped up behaviors, decides that he's the only one that it appears to be affecting, and flips his switch to happy and obedient. Praise the Lord for the switch!!

But. That was far from the topic at hand.

WALTER.

I think we're ready for T hreaten.

I don't like this one. At all. Just the word makes me a little uncomfortable. It sounds horrid...like we all threaten to stuff our children into a closet for the day or something. But it doesn't even have to be that. In this case (of course stuffing them into a closet, or even threatening to do that is beyond horrible), we are simply talking about simple threats. "If you do that one more time, we won't go to Grandma's" while knowing that you probably will still go to Grandma's no matter what little Johnny does. "If you throw that toy, you'll have to pick up all the toys by yourself for a week" and then you forget that you ever said it and the child knows that you'll forget cause you said the same thing yesterday. "Don't do that again, or..."

Honestly? It's far easier to just go straight to the consequence rather than to threaten something. One thing that I have noticed in the week and a half since coming home from Colorado is that we have a much happier household. Much happier. I know it doesn't sound like it from the stories that you've been regaled with, but it is so true. I find that if I employ the dance with WALTER, I get way stressed out. It's hard to remember all the warnings and threats and reminders. However, if I (with some major help from Jesus) can manage to skip all that and head straight to the consequence or restitution, I can manage to keep the smile. That saying, 'If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy'? It's beyond true.

From the purple book....Threats come from enemies. Ouch. And as they told us at the ranch, when we threaten our children we are telling them that we aren't strong enough to handle their behavior. We aren't strong enough to deal with the behavior immediately. We aren't strong enough to deal with them actually, which, for our children, simply reinforces the fact in their wounded minds that they are unlovable and unloved. Big ouch. We need to be strong so we can teach our children to be strong.

Moving on.

Next up is E xcuses or E xcusing behaviors.

Excuses are rampant around here. Before Colorado (and no, it isn't all in the past as of yet) our oldest child was the queen of excuses. We'd ask what took her so long to gather eggs (should take about 10 minutes and often took about 45 minutes) and she'd spout off a list of excuses a mile long. Usually it had to do with a kitten or a puppy or a chicken that wasn't acting quite right. She's a pro at the "Yes, but..." or the "Well, I..." Now it's a pretty simple fix. She/he start in with an excuse, all we have to say is "Mouth Hug!!!" No, it's not well accepted all the time and no, we don't remember that and launch into a lecture at times, but it is improving. Of course, after the appropriate mouth hug is completed, the child has to tell us what happened to need a mouth hug.

Off on another rabbit trail....that's something else that has made it so much easier to stay cheerful. If THEY have to tell us what the offense was, it puts it right back on their shoulders. If I have to tell them, I fall into lecture mode and the dance with Walter begins all over again. As Mr. James and Miss Nancy told us over and over and over..."Make them use their brains. Give yours a rest." Of course it's a little difficult to practice the 'what happened' with a child who can't really communicate very well (Jack) but we are still able to communicate with hand gestures!

The E xcusing behaviors is one that I just tacked on there for me to remember. My child is not an extension of myself. In other words, while my child has learned a lot from watching my reactions, that doesn't mean that he/she doesn't make his/her own decisions. They are little humans. They do make their own choices. If they want to vegitate in their bedrooms for most of the day, that doesn't necessarily reflect badly on me. He knew that all he had to do was sit strong for thirty seconds. He made the choice to drag that out for five hours. While we still need to guide our children to make right decisions, they do have brains of their own and will still make the wrong choices at times. Hmmmm. Sounds like me. I think it's called being a human.

And then we're to the end of Walter. Reminders.

That is so easy. Way too easy, in fact. "Didn't I tell you to make your bed?" "You were supposed to do that job half an hour ago." "How many times do I have to tell you to pick up your dirty clothes after your shower?" "Ahem. Is that where that belongs?" This is another one that I tend to fall right back into. Instead of wasting all my breath reminding, we were told that all we have to say is, "Go sit strong while you think about what you are supposed to be doing." Once again, it places all brain thought on the child and the parent can move on whistling while the child sits and thinks a tad. Chances are great that by the time the sitting strong is happening correctly, the child totally remembers what it was they were to be doing. And then they'll do it. :) Except they didn't do it because they didn't want to in the first place so it may take multiple times of sitting strong before he/she can get it done 'fast and snappy and right the first time'. Another saying that we learned at the ranch.

Why is it that just typing all this stuff out makes it sound so easy? Perhaps it has been/will be for you...but it's just not that easy for me. In my four years of being a mom, I have danced with Walter on a daily basis. Not with all six points of Walter, but with at least one every day. How sad. Four years of wasted brain power and too much control freakish stuff in me.

So. We're not the perfect parents. We never will be. I still go to bed at night and think..."Oh, if I had just done this instead of that." I don't think Jesus expects us to be perfect. Make that, I know He doesn't expect us to be perfect. It's simply not possible.

The time has come for me to stop dancing and start walking. The time has come and is actually long overdue for me to stop being a grouch and start being the happy, smiling mommy that my children deserve.

I feel like you all can now see right through our very dirty windows and can see what all happens in our house. I feel like we're on display. As not fun as that feeling is, I want everyone to know the truth. The truth is...we're humans. Just because we adopted our children does not mean that we don't get frustrated. Just because we have had training and whatnot on the best way to deal with our troubled children does not make us any better parents than the next set of parents. In fact perhaps the fact that we had to search out professional help in our parenting tells on our lack of parenting skills.

No matter how I feel about folks peeping in our windows, I still believe that if it helps one family out there, it is worth being put on display. This certainly is not what we planned when we married nearly nine years ago. (NINE years?!) We had a plan for our lives. We were going to have whatever number of children God wanted us to have through the 'normal' method of family building. We were going to go on lovely family trips to Colorado where we could just rest and relax. We were going to just be a normal family with normal everyday lives that were far from being interesting or entertaining.

Instead, God called us down the path of infertility...thus shooting our plan of normal family building completely..until now, of course :) God called us down the path of adoption...thus shooting our plan of lovely family trips to Colorado. Instead, we have taken multiple trips to the land of Russia...none of which I would call restful or relaxing. God called us down the path of troubled children...thus opening our lives to all who know us, and those who don't know us as well.

No, we wouldn't have to be so open. We wouldn't have to tell it all. We could just stick to ourselves and be little hermits who keep all our struggles to ourselves. That would be easier, by far.

But as stated above...we decided long ago that if our journey can help just one other person, being open will have been well worth it.

Not only that...we so appreciate and feel the prayers of everyone....and that has kept us pressing on for the last 7 years. Because seven years ago was when we started down the path that made us a 'not normal' family. And seven years ago was when we began to crack our dirty windows to the world...thus allowing folks from near and far to see just how imperfect we really are.

Deepest apologies if none of this makes a speck of sense. It made sense to me as I was typing...but time is not on my side currently, so I must hit 'publish post' before I take the time to proofread it.

God's blessings to each and every one of you as we strive to raise little soldiers for the army of Jesus!!

So. How's It Going?!

Mom! Come here so I can kick you! (I'll be right there, Sweetums.)

Nobody likes me. (Nope. That's why we're devoting our lives to you right now.)

Fine. I guess I'll sit strong. (Oh, don't do it too quickly. It's only been 2 hours since I asked you to do that.)

Waaaaahhhhhhh!!!! Everybody gets to have fun except me. (Is that why you're playing with legos?)

Nobody likes me. (Nope. Still don't.)

I can scare everybody in this house. (Watch me freak out.)

Mom! Come here so I can hit you. (Of course, my dear.)

So there you have it. Our days in a nutshell. :) Really, though. We have seen vast improvement in the past week....but the days are kind of like a roller coaster.

One hour goes absolutely super, and the next is constant screaming and flopping on the floor.

One night we all sleep soundly for eight hours, and the next the adults sleep soundly while the children keep themselves entertained for the night. You know. Why wouldn't you want to stay up most of the night playing in your bedroom? Think of how strong you could be the next day. :)

As long as they don't keep me awake with their playing, I'm all for it!! Sure, I'd love to be up there making sure that they are getting the appropriate amount of sleep, but it'd be a losing battle. There's a couple things that we as the parents cannot control. Eating and sleeping are two of them. I can force a child to stick a bite in his/her mouth, but I can't force the chewing and swallowing. I can force a child to stay in bed, but I certainly can't make them go to sleep. So. We do the thing that really doesn't feel right at all, and totally ignore them after they are in bed.

And, no. We are not super-parents. We are winging it and reading the purple book, and gleaning from memory all the things that Mr. James and Miss Nancy taught us. While I've never been a huge fan of therapists, I learned in our short week that they do have their place. They are needed. They do have a special gift from God and I am so very thankful that they are available.

According to the book, (grin) they'll (our children, not the therapists) eventually learn that sleep is the only way to have a good day. Sleep is needed. Sleep is a blessing. And only they can make themselves go to sleep.

Our days are fairly scheduled. Okay. Make that really scheduled. Or perhaps even scheduled to an extreme.

Not my idea of fun. Sure, I like schedules as much as the next person, but I much prefer to wing it.

Everyone is up at 6:15. Yes. You read that correctly. 6:15AM. It doesn't matter how late the thumping lasted the night before, we get up bright and early at this house.

The children all make their beds and sit strong beside them until Jason or I check them. Usually we try to check them in about 30 seconds-1 minute after they let us know that the bed is made. Too long of sitting strong and they lose all interest in doing what they know they are to be doing.

Beds made, they get dressed and come downstairs.

Then is when the schedule isn't quite so clear. Some mornings we have breakfast right away, some mornings we head outside to do the chores.

Addie feeds and waters the chickens, and gathers eggs. Will carries fresh water to the dogs. Unless, of course, they didn't make their beds nicely and then Mommy does the chores. If Mommy has to do the chores, that means they have to do one of Mommy's chores later in the day. Sweep a floor, do the dishes, or maybe just giving a lovely backrub!

Once breakfast is over, all three of them head for their rugs and I start them on some kind of project...coloring, playing with legos, building with blocks, writing the alphabet, writing numbers, playing with tractors, playing with a baby doll, etc.

That lasts roughly 1/2 hour. Or until I remember that it's time to switch out.

Then they each have a simple chore....wash a cupboard, clean the front of the fridge or stove or microwave, dust the chairs, dust some furniture, clean the sink or toilet, take laundry to the washer, etc.

Some days the jobs are accomplished quickly....some days they take several hours. :) Especially with Will. While in Colorado he took 1 1/2 hours to fold four washclothes. Impressive. And it wasn't because he was taking such care with making sure they were folded correctly.

The first one done with chores gets to jump on the mini tramp for 25 minutes or crawl for 15. My choice...the other will be done in the afternoon.

Why the jumping and crawling? Something about those movements make the brain function in a needed way. It makes the two sides of the brain cross over and work together.

The jumping is well loved. The crawling? Not so much. There's a bell at one end of the run and a Staples "that was easy" button at the other so I can tell that it's really happening without having to be right there watching. They have a choice...crawl really well for 15 minutes, or really poorly for 30 minutes. And, no, I don't make all the rules....I simply follow the book.

After every block of time they all three sit strong to allow some time for their brains to switch gears. Not a well liked part...and often involves much screaming and flopping...all to sit strong for 30 seconds. :) BUT, that, too is improving. :)

Lunch time is right at noon.

And we start in again!!! Jack takes a nap while the other two march on through the day in 1/2 hour increments.

Puzzle time is after lunch, more lego time, book reading time (I read to them), jumping or crawling for whoever didn't get it done in the morning, perhaps some bike riding outside, or sandbox playing....or swing riding if we had a swing. It fell with the tree when the storm went through. :(

Eventually we make it to supper time and that means the day is nearly over. They go to bed between 7:30 and 8:00. I know. I can hardly stand it, but we were told while in Colorado that a child our children's ages need the opportunity to sleep for 10-12 hours a day. Wow. Opportunity is the major key word here. :) Sometimes they'll all be sleeping in 5 minutes...sometimes they're all still awake at 11:00.

And then I crash. Or catch up on things that didn't get accomplished that day. Or water flowers. Or head to the garden. Or read a book.

And try to be in bed no later than 10:00 so I can get about eight hours of sleep before starting all over again! Eight hours....IF baby George decides to lie still and sleep rather than turning cartwheels half the night.

While it doesn't sound too stressful to see it written out here, I have to admit that it gets to me at times. That's when I lock myself in the bathroom for a bit to recuperate. But the one child has to be in there with me as whenever I leave the room he is suddenly kicking the other children (no matter where they're at in the house, he chases them down and finds them) or knocking over their toys, or simply screaming at them to scare them. BUT, yes. He is improving. :)

The screaming and yelling is what gets to me the most, I guess. It's mentally exhausting to listen to that for several hours each day.

We're hanging in there. I have been ever so thankful for my husband. When he's around he takes over to give me a break. And he takes Jack with him frequently so the poor little guy isn't terrified. It really eats at Jack when the other two are having screaming parties. He doesn't know which end is up at that point and I often have to hold him or just send him outside to play to get him away from the chaos.

Yes. I said 'when the other TWO are having screaming parties'. That is one thing we did not expect. At all. While we knew that Will needed some help in the form of therapy...we really didn't catch on with Addie.

Her therapy sessions dragged up some old dirt and hurt that she really was trying hard to forget and now it's all out in the open. She's worked up about the new schedule. She's worked up about not being able to go and do and see other folks....though when she does have the chance it's proving to be too much for her right now. Simply put, she doesn't like being forced to learn to trust someone other than herself.

And, truly? That is what is happening. They are not in control of one single decision in their days at this point. Here in a week or two we are to start giving them very simple choices...do you want tea or water? Yes, very simple.

As the pictures prove, it's not all horrid. We do have fun. We do stay happy...at least the adults of the family do. We do love each other.

Yes, it's a little stressful at times now, but we have hope. We see a glint of light at the end of the tunnel. And we are learning all over again to trust God with every single little thing.

Just a Little Info

To answer the questions that I received regarding the program we were involved in...

I honestly don't know the name of the ranch. I don't know the name of the program.

How's that for helpful?!

The name of the lady who runs the ranch is Nancy Thomas. We used her "Taming the Tiger While It's a Kitten" program with Addie back 3 1/2 years ago (used for small children who are out of control). We loved it. It totally transformed our little lady, though we're doing some of it all over again this week! Her therapy sessions brought out some past hurts that are now being dealt with.

Yes. It's been a VERY pleasant week. Especially if you're fond of screeching and hollering. And children flopping on the floor declaring that nobody likes them.

Nancy Thomas is not a therapist. She employs a therapist by the name of James Dumesnil. I think. And a lady by the name of Judy, who is a retired detective and is the cook and child job enforcer. Our children were a little scared of her at first as she can be rather intimidating, but by the end of the week they loved her!

You can find some information about her and what she does at www.attachment.org.

Nancy and her husband own a 27 acre ranch that they open up to two families a month who are needing help. They have a main house which is where we ate all our meals except breakfast. They milk a goat, have laying hens, have a garden, and live about 50 feet from the Colorado River. It's a beautiful, relaxing location....which is needed. Most definitely.

While there they give the children simple jobs...ours had to wash the cabinets, the stove front, the dishwasher front. Nothing hard at all. They want to teach them to do jobs fast and snappy and right the first time. When the child is finished doing the job, he/she is to strong sit (which I touched on yesterday) for about 30 seconds until the parent can check the job. If done correctly, they are met with great pizzazz. Jumping up and down. Big hug. Kisses. Loud hallelujahs. If the job is not done correctly, they are given the rag and encouraged to do their job very carefully. Then the strong sitting....and on and on until the job is done right.

We were told to sit and observe so we could see how to best deal with the situations that may arise. That was difficult. Having strangers taking care of our children when we were sitting right there?! Wow.

They teach the children how to sit on rugs to play, teaching them boundaries. When on the rug they must be quiet and keep the toys on the rug. Legos, blocks, etc. are some of the toys that are highly recommended for the rug. Anything to keep their minds working. Puzzles are also a huge plus. The rug tactic is employed here now. :) Nope the children don't necessarily enjoy it, but it does give me a break now and then. It's quiet. It's keeping them entertained. It's building brain cells. It's a winner.

They also use lots of crawling and jumping on a mini tramp. So we do, too. :) We're such copycats. Each child jumps on the tramp about 25 minutes each day. Something about that helps to get them to focus. The crawling uses both sides of the body and therefore makes both sides of the brain work together. Thus reducing the survival mode and enlarging the logic mode. And just so you know...mini tramps are $34 at Wal-Mart. You're welcome. :)

Meal time manners were a huge issue with them. Chewing with the mouth open? No problem. Pick up their plate and cup and move them to another spot to finish eating. Elbows on the table? Move them to their own table so they can be as sloppy as they care to. Not eating? See you later!! Enjoy eating by yourself. Not done eating when the rest of the family is? Not a big deal. Chickens need food too. That was hard for me as well. Just sitting there not correcting over and over and over for the same thing at every meal? Who'da thunk that it was as simple as moving them somewhere else to finish up?! And believe me when I say that it does make meal time much less stressful. Or maybe we're the only ones who remind and remind and remind to chew with the mouth closed. I don't like moving them, but they are learning to pay attention...as they don't really like to be moved either.

Trust is another huge item. We started on day two practicing 'trust falls'. The child stood in front of the dad/mom, crossed his/her arms over chest (opposite hand to opposite shoulder), closed his/her eyes, kept legs perfectly straight, and fell backwards into our arms. That takes trust.

The next day we led them blindfolded through an obstacle course....around a several foot tall fire pit (don't worry, there was no fire), down a stone pathway, around a pile of rocks that was a little tipsy, through a path on hands and knees with hula hoops set up to keep them in the path, across a stump path, up onto a table, up a piece of plywood perched on a tall stump, and finally on to a four foot tall stump that they trust fell off of backwards into our arms. Talk about needing to trust.

Trust is a huge item with attachment issues. The child has had so many times that someone failed them that they learn to not trust anyone.

In a normal week there are two families there together...one week a month as I said. One family would have morning therapy sessions while the other would have afternoon therapy sessions.

It didn't work that way for us. The other family that was there had a child who absolutely refused to talk. She had one seven hour therapy session in which she never said one word. They tried again the next day and she said a few things but then shut down and never said another word for several hours. The therapy didn't work for her. She was a very tough case.

If you need another prayer item to put on your list....add Brittany and her parents. She headed from the ranch to a residential care home where she will live for the next few months and hopefully receive what she needs to get on the path to being a strong, healthy child. It was very hard to watch.

Anyway.

Our week consisted of a morning session and then most afternoons we would have another session. Will and Addie both received a lot of therapy, for which we were so thankful. We also received several therapy sessions. Many times dealing with a problem child works to drive a wedge between the parents. I 'll have to admit that had we gone to the ranch several months ago they would've found a large wedge. Will was getting quite good at triangulating Jason and I against each other. Doing something around here during the day...racing to the pickup to tell Jason something different the minute the pick up was parked in the evening. It's crazy how it was working.

We finally got our heads together and figured out what was happening, but I'm a little embarrassed to admit just how long it took us.

Anyway. Therapy lasted 4-5 hours each day. Some days a lot longer.

During our down time we were told to just relax and unwind. My mom went with us and often took the children to the river to play while Jason and I napped. Or talked. Or read. Or did anything to just give our brains a nice break. It was rather stressful and extremely exhausting.

The last day we had a forgiveness session. Each of us went around to the other members of the family and told them what we had done and asked for forgiveness. Some of the things the children said I had long since forgotten, but it was clear that they had not and needed to get it off their chests.

Forgiveness session over we all were given a piece of paper to write down all the stuff that we wanted to leave there. Baggage. Things that we had no desire to bring home with us. Will drew pictures of things that he wanted to forget and leave behind while the rest of us wrote. And wrote. Then we headed into the house to throw our lists into the fire....never to be brought back again. It was quite the experience. One that I think we could employ here in our home. Starting with the forgiveness.

We ate one last meal with them, snapped some group pictures, and headed for the airport.

Miss Judy and her son.

Us with Miss Nancy and Mr. James.

And us with Mr. Brandon, the summer ranch hand.

Mr. Brandon has an incredible story. Incredible. He was diagnosed as severely autistic at the age of two. His mom has scars on her thumb where he tried to bite it off. Doctors recommended that he be placed in an institution as he was out of control. I don't know for sure what happened. His family all came to Christ as a result of his sickness and he was healed. Today he is a fine young man just ready to start college. He's going to school to become a music composer and teacher. He sent us home with one of his cd's...music that he composed and his sister sang along as he played the piano.

Incredible.

So that was that. We caught our flight out of Denver about 7:10, landed at our airport about 12:30AM, and arrived home about 2:00AM. Big day. Tired family.

Getting back to real life was a struggle....especially when mom and dad start employing some new tactics. :) Keeps life interesting.

W.A.L.T.E.R and More

Let me start this off by saying that I am NOT a parenting expert. Not one little stitch. Most nights I go to bed and lie there thinking about our day, beating myself up for the bad ways that I handled this or that. Some days I go to bed thinking that if it weren't for all my mess-ups perhaps we wouldn't have so many issues around here. But then I remind myself that that is precisely what the devil wants me to think.

No that reminder doesn't make it any easier, but it does make me remember that I am human. We will make mistakes. The key, if I can just remember, is to ask the children for forgiveness when the mistakes are made. They need to know that I am not perfect and I don't expect them to be perfect either. They need to feel accepted no matter what.

So. We've established that major point. I. Am. Not. A. Parenting. Expert.

Now we'll move on to Walter. I was amazed at how many e-mails I received asking how to deal with that Walter stuff. Why ask me? :) It hit us like a ton of bricks. Sure, we knew that we were employing those tactics far too often, so it shouldn't have been so enlightening, but it was.

A refresher.

W arning
A rguing
L ecturing
T hreatening
E xcusing (the behavior of the child) and E xcuses (from the child)
R eminding

I really don't know how to deal with all of these. Sorry. All I know is what they told us at the ranch.

The Warning is simply something that we as parents have to train ourselves not to do. Actually they all are. Rather than passing out warnings, go straight to the ticket. Instead of saying 'Make sure you're picking up the sticks as I asked you to do!', say, "Uh-oh! Sit strong til you're ready to do the job you were assigned!' Don't tell them what the job was. They know. When they've sat strong for about 30 seconds, grab them in a bear hug, tell them how proud of them you are for sitting strong, hold their hands while asking them what happened, grab them in another bear hug and commend them for telling the truth (never say thank you for telling the truth as that is expected...just say good job telling the truth), and send them on to do their job again. Again, just passing on exactly what they told us....none of this is original to me.

If you know me very well at all, you would know that I am NOT a huggy person. I like my space and this method of many, many hugs all day long is stretching me to the max. But the children LOVE it. Why didn't I do this before?!

The Arguing is something that both our children are really good at. If there was a medal for it, one of them would have certainly won it. :/ We knew it wasn't acceptable, but how in the world do you get it to stop? Good question. One that we asked during at least one of our therapy sessions. They told us that it was simple. :) We were so glad, but found out that it wasn't as simple as they claimed. Just have the child give themselves a 'mouth hug'. In other words, cover their mouth with their hand for several minutes. When the time is up and the mouth hug was done correctly...without whining or fit throwing (as ours do and we have to tack on some extra time) scoop them up in a big ole bear hug and commend them for the spectacular mouth hug!! Then ask what happened, commend them for telling the truth, and scoop them up in yet another hug!! Yep, more hugging.

The mouth hug is also used for interrupting, talking back, disrespect, unnecessary chatter, etc.

Oh, and to slip something in here that is huge for us. They never use the words punishment or consequence. Both of those have a negative connotation. Instead, they use the word 'restitution'. If your little Johnny smacks his sister across the head, he has to do something kind for her....make her bed the next morning, pick up her plate after the meal, give her a head rub, give her a back rub, etc. Try to make the child think of the restitution so they are using their brain rather than using your brain. The same happens if they talk back to you, are disrespectful, etc. They give you the backrub. Ahhhhh. Can't say as I mind that!!

Then we come to the Lecturing. Bad subject for me. Sad but true, I am a super lecturer. I would win the medal on that one. It's not uncommon for me to...or should I say 'it wasn't uncommon' ;)...lecture and lecture and lecture. Often the children's eyes would glaze over and when I got my frustration out and asked them what I said? Not one clue. They had moved on to what they had planned when Mommy was done with the lecture. You know the one. "I told you to pick up the toys and what did I find you doing? Playing. That's right. I don't know why you can't listen the first time. Why don't you pay attention to your job? Oh this upsets me. Pick up those toys and get it done NOW. What did I just tell you?" And they look at me and finally say, "Um. Well. Um. I don't know. Did you say to pick up the toys?" And I go off again on the value of listening and paying attention when someone is talking to them. Yep. (And yet, I find that I am the one who has taught them to not pay attention to the person who is talking to them. How often do they come to tell me something that is so important to them and I don't take the time to look into their eyes while they're talking. In fact, my back may be completely turned as fixing supper is so much more important than hearing about the bird nest that they just found on the ground.)

Why am I the lucky winner on airing all the bad stuff from our house. And here you all thought we were perfect. :) If you have a blog, could you please air your dirty laundry on it so I don't feel so alone?!

Back to the Lecturing. We were told, in short simple phrases, to keep things short and simple. Yep. It's just that easy. :) Skip the lecture. Use simple phrases like, "What were you asked to do?" "Where are you supposed to be?" That throws it right back at the child, they have to use their brains to remember what they were asked to do, and we can keep our cool and still have smiling mouths and eyes.

Just that simple. Unless you're me and struggle with that simple stuff. :/

I think I'll stop there for now on W.A.L.T.E.R. He is one large man and quite frankly? My brain is on overload.

I'll touch just a little bit on the sitting strong. It's not intended to be used as a punishment. It's just what it says. Getting strong. They stress big-time the weak versus strong children. Weak children need a little help to stop throwing the fits, having scream fests, flopping on the floor for hours because they were asked to pick up toys (here you go, peeking into our house again). If any of that happens, escort them kindly and gently (with smiling lips AND eyes) to their 'get strong spot'. At our house we have three rugs in three different rooms, one for each child. They know the color of their rug. They find it, and sit indian style on it, while folding their hands in a certain way in front of them. I really don't know how to explain the hands. Cross them over in front of you with palms together and hands folded, then flip them towards you so the fingers are right under the chin. Another way to do it is put opposite hand on opposite shoulder, forming an x in front of your chest. Don't make a big deal of it. I have a child right now who has been flopping around on his rug for nearly two hours...all because he doesn't want to sit strong. :) I tell him occasionally that I'm glad he's taking his time as that way I know he's good and strong when he finally decides to do it. Once they finally do decide to sit strong, only make them do it for about 30 seconds. When they get to the point that it is no big deal, then you know that they are truly feeling strong again.

A little example of how to sit strong that I snapped last week...

And just so you know. Our children are definitely classified as weak. Though they are getting stronger every single day!!!! When dealing with a child who has a larger survival mode than logic mode, they are naturally going to be weaker at making wise choices. The sitting strong while crossing arms and legs actually makes both sides of the brain function together and therefore helps build the good parts of the brain while shrinking the survival parts.

Yes. This all takes a ton of time. Which is precisely why you may not see me out and about for a little while. Building strong children is a huge task, but so essential to having a functional family.

If you care to read more in depth and glean some more ideas on logical, fun ways to build strong children, check out the book, "When Love is Not Enough" by Nancy Thomas. I can see eyebrows raising even as I type. Sadly, sometimes just loving a child is simply not enough to help them heal. It sounds good. But we tried it for four years and love alone didn't pull us through our struggles. We LOVE our children. Most definitely. But it takes more than that for hurt children to understand that we REALLY DO love them. We really will never abandon them as they were abandoned (or feel like they were abandoned) by their birth parents. Not all adopted children deal with this stuff. It depends a lot on personality and how they view their birth parents.

In fact, this stuff isn't limited to adopted children at all. There are many, many 'home-made' children who have the exact same issues. Believe it or not.

And now I must go. This has dragged on long enough and likely there's only two, or maybe one, person who will actually read it through to the end. :) If our therapy can help one person out there, it was worth my time to type this up.

Blessings to you all!!