That means the bebe is now a little over three weeks old, the lovely three-nights-a-week-brought-to-us-by-kind-friends meals are abut to stop, and school starts in just a week.
That last point happens to be the one that I'm most excited about. Yes. I am one of THOSE moms. The kind of mom who loves her children dearly, but loves to see them walk out the door for another day at school as well. Loves to see them come home in the afternoon, but loves to have the peace and quiet with them gone all day...but with a baby and a three year old the peace and quiet may not be quite so quiet and peaceful.
Yep. That's me. Love them....but love them enough to send them away so we don't all strangle each other attempting to homeschool. And quite frankly? After the summer that we've had, I think I'm even more excited about school starting.
So. How's it going three weeks post baby? We'll start with the newest munchkin. Ty is doing pretty good for a new baby. The first two weeks he did beyond fabulous. He slept super duper all night...only waking once to eat. I was spoiled. And then week three arrived. Every night for the past near week he's woken roughly every 1 1/2 hours thinking he was starving. Til you feed a baby for 1/2 hour, get him burped, back to sleep, and tucked in bed? That doesn't leave much room for sleep.
And then there's been the few nights that he decided bedtime wasn't until 1:00-1:30. AM. For a mom who would love to get 12 hours of sleep a night, that schedule about did me in. Thankfully those late ones are few and far between.
He's eating like a trooper....which was evidenced by his whopping 10lb. 7oz. weight at the doctor today. Gaining nearly a pound a week. Not bad. He's getting chunky.
Our baby's not gonna be a baby for long, I fear.
The next child up, Jack, has developed an attitude that simply doesn't quit. It can be quite entertaining....though a tad annoying as well. His third birthday is today, so while part of the 'tude is his age, part of it is from watching his big brother's antics. Some days it's like having a mini Will running around. Fun.
Then we have Will. Dear, sweet Will. Where do I start?! Some days he is the sweetest little five year old boy this side of the Mississippi. And other days you wouldn't want to be anywhere in the neighborhood unless you particularly enjoy loud screaming neighborhood children. We are seeing improvement, though some days you'd have to remind me of that quite frequently. He's a real character.
The first weeks after our training on therapeutic parenting were beyond awful. We had a child who was filled with anger. Filled to the brim. Every time I talked to him was simply a reason for him to scream some obnoxious thing at me. His bedroom was nearly destroyed due to his fits of anger. His siblings were nearly destroyed due to his fits of anger. Not that he was hurting them physically (he didn't have the chance as he was kept far away from them at all times) but his constant anger hurt them emotionally more than I thought was possible.
I don't know if you read Jen Hatmaker's blog or not but she pretty much hits the nail on the head in much of her last post. To sum up how I've felt in the past couple months, I'm going to plug in some of her words...."The house is a disaster. Your bios are huddled up in the corner, begging grandparents to come rescue them. You can’t talk to anyone. Everyone is still beaming at you, asking: “Isn’t this the best thing?? Is this just the happiest time of your life?” You are starving for truth-tellers in adoption. You scour blogs and Yahoo groups, desperate for one morsel of truth, one brave person to say how hard this in and give you a shred of hope. You only find adorable pictures and cute stories, and you despair. You feel so alone. You’ve ruined your life. You’ve ruined your kids’ lives. Your marriage is doomed. Your adopted child hates you. You want to go back to that person pining away in the Pre-Stage and punch her in the liver."
While not all of that is spot on, much of it is. I've felt that our family is history. I've wondered if we're ever going to bring Addie and Jack back from the trauma that they have endured at the 'hands' of their brother. I've spent hours searching the internet trying to find just one other family who has dealt with issues like we have this summer.
Folks aren't overly honest, it seems. I feel pretty confident that we aren't the only family in the world who deals with a child who is beyond angry at life in general....but just try finding anything out there to make you feel as if you aren't all alone in the world. NO. I'm not having a pity party. It's simply the facts.
For some reason, adoptive families don't think that they can be honest. And I can understand that. After all, we CHOSE to bring these children into our home knowing that there could be issues. We've all heard the "well, he's adopted" saying...as if that phrase alone explains all issues.
Unfortunately, even bio children have some issues. Last I checked, nobody is perfect. :)
Many adoptive families don't feel they can state the truth about how hard adoption can be simply because it might place adoption in a bad light. It might discourage others from adopting. True. It might. But I'd rather that folks know the truth going into it rather than being broad sided two years down the road.
Folks? Adoption can be the hardest thing you've ever done. Once you get past the waiting stage, then you have to deal with all the grief the child carries with them into your home. Just imagine leaving all you've ever known in your life and being plopped into stranger's arms. Being told that they're going to love you forever. Yeah. Right. When you consider all the trauma our (anyone who has adopted) children have gone through in their short lives, it's no wonder that there are some issues that are less than pleasant.
I wonder how God views us....His adopted children. I wonder if He has to say at times, "well, she's adopted, of course there are issues". I wonder if He gets frustrated at my lack of trust in Him. I wonder if He wonders sometimes just what He's gotten into with adopting me.
Anyway. Will does seem to be improving, but it appears to be a long road ahead. We were told to expect one month of brain healing per year of the child's age. That would be roughly five months for Will. Five months of not going anywhere? Five months of having to get a respite caregiver if we do want to go somewhere. Five months of screaming? Five months of this stuff?
You have got to be kidding. That puts us at November. IF he follows the timeline...and what in our lives can simply follow a timeline?!
He seems to have come down from the anger stage and we're now full swing in the 'bad habit' stage. He is in such a habit of being a rascal who destroys things that it's terribly difficult for him to be happy and non-destructive. How do we know that it's mainly a habit? There's a huge difference between a child who is screaming from anger and a child who is screaming while smiling. Yep. It's getting pretty fake.
There is hope.
Then there is Addie. This new baby thing has thrown her a curve ball. She let it slip soon after he was born that she's jealous. She's jealous of Baby Ty. She wishes she had had a mommy to take care of her when she was a baby. She wishes she had had a mommy who fed her and hugged her and rocked her when she was sad. She wishes she had had a mommy who loved her. In her words, "I wish I had been a lucky baby like Ty is." How very sad to hear your seven year old saying things like that.
However, no matter how sad it is, we are getting a little frustrated at the infatuation with all things baby. I know it's a good thing for a little girl to love babies, but seriously? Do we have to try on diapers and suck on pacifiers?!
Anyway. She is doing pretty well, but is still struggling with talking to us. Trust is still a huge issue. It was so ingrained in her that she had to take care of herself that it's extremely difficult for her to believe that we as her parents can take care of her.
Which leads me to the next point. If there was a point to this at all. :)
Starting September 4th, our two eldest children are beginning therapeutic riding lessons. As in horse back riding. It was strongly recommended by our therapist...so here we go!! It will last for ten weeks, one evening a week. We're praying for the miracles that so often happen with riding a horse.
