Parenting the Hurt Child

Today is the day that has long been termed 'Orphan Sunday'.  It's a day set aside to educate folks on the millions of children who are longing for a family of their own.  It's a day where churches all across the country have slide shows presented showing orphans 'then' and 'now'.  It's a day that is highly beneficial.

But I have to wonder.  As much as I 100% agree with the advocating for the children who need families (many of them are not true orphans, so I always hesitate to use that term.  Many children who need homes are 'social orphans', meaning that they HAVE biological families...those families just can't or won't care for them.)  anyway...as much as I agree with the advocating, I always wonder..."Who is educating the parents?" Who is equipping these prospective adoptive families with the information needed to parent the hurting child who will enter their home?  Who is being honest about the hard and the ugly and the things that many adoptive families don't want to discuss?

All of us want to share the fun parts of our story.  All of us want to show the 'before the family' and 'with a family' pictures.  I could show many of those.  Once empty eyes that are now filled with joy (most of the time).  Bald spotted heads that now sport full heads of hair.  Malnourished little pot belly tummies that are now healthy.  Scab ridden arms from biting oneself that are now free and clear of even a scar.  And all of that is amazing.  It truly is. 

But what about the time in between the 'then' and 'now'?  How many of us want to peel back the layers of anger, the scabs of hurtful screamed words, the reality of the years of pain and heartache that made us able to even snap that 'now' picture. 

Adoptive families, I urge you to read the book I dove into today if you never have.   "Parenting the Hurt Child" by Gregory C. Keck, PHD and Regina M. Kupecky, LSW.  It is an amazing resource written by folks who truly understand. 

Families who may be considering the adoption route, who may be feeling God tugging them in that direction....I urge you to devour this book. 

Families who would like to understand when your adoptive mama friend is unloading on you and you simply don't understand...I urge you to find a copy of this book. 

Folks who think that all this adoption talk is just that...talk...I urge you to go check this out at your local library as soon as you can. 

I cannot stress enough how important it is to be well armed with knowledge before bringing a hurt child into your home....and I cannot stress enough how important it is to reach out for help if you think something is 'off' with your hurt child.

Following are a couple paragraphs from the forward for this book, written by Foster W. Cline, MD, coauthor of 'Parenting with Love and Logic'...another excellent resource.

     Every person who makes the choice to parent a hurt child has a dream.  These dreams vary, but many include the anticipated fulfillment of helping someone else out of a tough situation, the feelings of satisfaction when a grateful child returns our love, the joy of seeing a person flower from a child into an adult who reaches his or her full potential.  These are the things that all parents hope for, based on their own backgrounds and their own childhoods.  And therein lies a problem, for most who choose to parent hurt children are functional people without early abuse and neglect of their own.  They often have a record of success in parenting birth children.  But the discipline they successfully used with prior birth children may not be effective with their hurt children.  And tragedy can result.
     Nothing, but nothing, can turn a normal household into a nonfunctional - even dangerous and threatening - environment as fast as bringing into the home a rebellious child who doesn't understand love.  The child's attitude and behavior turns everything topsy-turvy.  The other children often feel neglected, picked on, angry, or resentful.  The children become inwardly sullen or outwardly rebellious or show an unhappy combination of the two.  Loving couples who previously agreed on parenting approaches find themselves disagreeing and doubtful not only about the other's behavior but about the other's motive itself!  Family, neighbors, and friends who considered a couple saintly for taking in the troubled children, upon seeing the children's continuing misbehavior, begin to question the couple's parenting competence and even their character.  The best hope is KNOWLEDGE ON PARENTING THE HURT CHILD.
    The world expects reciprocal responses.  If one is nice to someone, one expects the other to be nice back.  If one is mean, it is understandable that others are mean in return.  If one smiles, he or she expects a smile in return.  If one is giving, it is expected that others will probably be giving in return.  All this makes perfect sense in our usual world.  In the topsy-turvy world of hurt and disturbed children, all these normal responses may not occur; they have to be taught.  Hurt children learned early in their lives that smiles are not to be trusted.  They know that adult actions may end in pain.  They are 'hard-wired' by early experiences to know that the only safety is in total and complete control of their emotional and physical environment.  The chaotic past living inside their heads becomes the chaos they project onto others in their home.
Taken from pages 13-14.

The introduction of the book is heavy laden with awesome explaining tidbits as well....

     Parenting a hurt child may not be the kind of parenthood that some people envisioned when they responded to an advertisement about adding to their family.  But anyone who wishes to take on the responsibility of fostering or adopting a child who has had early trauma needs to understand precisely what is to be expected.  Once the choice is made to proceed, parents must know what they can do to help their new child heal. 
     .....Many parents feel as if they are in combat, and most of  them had no idea this is what the social worker meant when she said, "Jamie can be challenging and energetic". 
     .....There are no strategies that will completely alleviate parental stress.  Parenting a hurt child is a journey filled with surprise, pain, uncertainty, episodic joy, unparalleled excitement, and an ongoing sense of wonder - wondering what is just around the corner, wondering just how long the peace and love will last, wondering when the next crisis will hit.
Taken from pages 21, 22, 23.

And then there is a list of facts that you will need to understand as you begin to parent a hurt child.  Facts that seem pretty obvious, but facts that are necessary.  Facts that can, in fact, apply to ALL parents everywhere, whether parenting adopted or bio children.  (But just as a side note to all non-adoptive families...if you want to never REALLY hear the facts, the easiest way to shut off an adoptive parent is by saying, "My children do that, too."  If a family is struggling to hold it together, feeling their family ripped apart by the anger of a very hurting child, the last thing they will want is for you to compare your healthy bio children to their terribly hurting child/ren.  We as humans find it so easy to compare our lives with someone else's, when in reality there may be NO comparison at all.  I'm not saying that parenting bio children is easy.  Not even close. I'm not saying that perhaps you don't have that strong willed child.  I'm not saying that the anger and chaos emanating from your bio child isn't real. I'm simply saying...adopted children (all of them...though some don't internalize it and therefore will have none of the issues) have something that your bio children likely don't have.  Every single adopted child has experienced a loss of some sort.  They have 'lost' birth parents, foster homes, orphanage care givers, etc.  And every single loss racks up another point in the 'trauma department'. 

On to the list:

• Parenting hurt children requires loving patience and clear expectations for improvement.
• Parenting hurt children is frequently painful.
• Hurt children bring their pain into their new families and share it with much vigor and regularity.
• Parents who did not cause the child's trauma often suffer the consequences of it.
• Even though the child may seek to anger the  parent, children will not be able to securely attach to an angry parent.
• Anger prevents healing.
• Nurturing will promote growth, development, and trust.
• Parents do not need to have a consequence for a child's every misdeed.
• Family fun should not be contingent upon the child's behavior.
• Parents should expect difficult times, as well as a reduction of them.
• Parents must spend time - lots of it - with their children.
• Parenting involves sacrifices.
• While parents must take care of themselves, that care cannot be at the child's expense.
• Parents and children pay a price when parental shortcuts are taken.
• Expectations are more effective and powerful than dozens of rules.
• A child's history isn't only in the past.  It affects the present and the future.
• Parents must determine what information is private and what can or should be shared with people outside the family.
• Strong parenting does not need to be mean-spirited parenting.
• Angry parenting will help keep the mean child mean, the wild child wild, the scared child scared, and the hurt child hurt.
• If your child is from another country, his hurts and losses are the same as those of a child from the United States.
• Hurt children get better when their pain is soothed, their anger reduced, their fears quelled, and their environment contained.
• Re-parenting is what hurt children need, regardless of their chronological age.  Going back to pick up some pieces will be necessary before moving forward.

          Taken from pages 23-24.

In conclusion, I strongly encourage foster care and adoption.  Strongly encourage it.  BUT ONLY if you are well educated.  ONLY if you are willing to do the hard.  ONLY if you are willing to appear strange.  ONLY if you are willing to not take every comment personal.  ONLY if you are willing to let well-meaning advice roll off your back.  YOU are the one who will be living with the hurting child.  YOU are the one who will be providing the nurturing, non-angry home environment.  YOU are the one who will be loving on that child through the kicking, the spitting, the biting, the holes kicked in the walls, the broken windows, the threats to other children (certainly doesn't happen in all adoptive homes...but it did here...and we were NOT prepared.)  YOU are the one who will be refined by God in areas that you weren't aware needed to be refined. 

YOU are the one who will be the mom or the dad and will possibly need to make some really tough decisions. 

You may lose friends because you aren't at every social event, you may be on the receiving end of some very hurtful comments and judgments, you may lose friends due to your 'strange' parenting style or your seemingly 'over-protectiveness'...but I can tell you IT IS WORTH IT.

All the hard.  All the pain.  All the tears.  All the research.  All the therapy.  All the expense after the adoption is complete.  All the everything. 

It is worth it. 

When that hurt child looks at you and says "I love you and I'm so glad God made you my mom" (AND means it!!), the pain melts away and you're left awestruck. 

Even when the very next day they are back to the anger....that one moment makes it worth it. 

Because in that moment, you realize that even though you feel you are drowning, God is right there holding you up.  And He isn't going to let go...not of you...and not of your hurting child.

Go.  Take a giant leap of faith if that is what God is asking you to do.  Be informed.  And make a difference in one child's life....but more so in your own life.  I can promise you will never be the same again.

Adoption Awareness Month

Every November, you begin to see multitudes of articles regarding adoption.  Many of them state how many orphans there are in the world or how many children in foster care are waiting and waiting and waiting on a family to step up and claim them.  That is all very real.  It breaks my heart.

I spent a day at school last week with Jack and Rainey.  A little guy in Rainey's class is ALWAYS in trouble.  She comes home nearly every day exclaiming how he got his name on the board AGAIN because he wouldn't listen to the teacher.  I pictured this little guy in my mind and had him pegged as one of 'those' kids.  Then I met him and he tugged at my heart strings.  He's a little tiny guy.  His hair was neatly combed and he was very well dressed.  He gave hugs to me and had never met me in his life.  He was cute as a button.  But he was in trouble all.day.long.  He had to count up his brothers and sisters and finally declared that he had six brothers and three sisters.  I have no clue if that is true or not.  What I did learn is that he is a foster child.  Children come and go in his life. Adults come and go in his life.  He is labeled as the 'troublemaker' in his class...but he has a reason.  He's hurting.  He's feeling lost. 

Then I went to Jack's room.  He doesn't talk much about school.  Ever.  It's like school stays at school and home is at home.  I can ask the most pointed questions and he gives me a grin and a 'can I go outside to play now'.  But there's a little girl in his class that he has mentioned a couple times.  'She's a stinker', he said.  So I met her.  And I got to know her a bit.  What makes her tick?  Why is she a 'stinker'?  She blurted out to me that her mom had called her a really bad name that morning before she went to school.  She said it made her feel sad inside.  She said it happens a lot and she's just so sad all the time.  She said a whole lot more....definitely cut out of a different bolt of cloth than Jack is.  :)  But it made me so sad.

Two children.  Two classes.  There are a good 200 students in each grade where Jack and Rainey attend. How many more are just like that little boy and that little girl?  Right here under my nose.  Within reach.

I'm not sure why I even brought all that up.  Those two children and the many more just like them that we label as 'troublemakers' aren't adoptable. 

I guess my point is this.  Just reach out.  Climb out of your perfect little world.  Volunteer at a school near you.  Become a teacher's aide or a substitute teacher.  Become a person in a child's life that is trust worthy.  A person who can show them unconditional love.  Just reach out.  You could be a person in a child's life that they will never forget.  Someone that they can look back on and say...That adult.  She/he loved ME.  You don't have to become a foster or adoptive parent in order to make a difference in a child's life. 

And now back to the topic of the month.  I am in NO way an expert on the subject of adoption.  We have only been parents for seven years.  Our oldest child is ten.  Definitely don't have it all figured out.  And I BEG you to read my blog with that in mind.  We bumble through our days just like everyone else.  I get frustrated with my children and cry myself to sleep at night because I blew it so many times.  I get tired of being a therapeutic parent.  I get tired of researching and reading and researching some more.  I weary of having to refuse dinner plans and leaving plans early because there's a child or five who are overwhelmed and needing the comforts of home to regulate behaviors.  I simply get tired. 

And don't we all?  Being a parent is hard work.  Being a parent to one bio child is stressful at times, I'm sure.  Being a parent to 13 bio children is stressful, I'm sure.  I can't really speak for them. I've never been either one of those.  All I can speak for is the adoptive moms. 

Adopted children are just like bio children.  They are still children.  They still act in childish ways. They still make silly choices and do annoying little things. 

But adopted children are not like bio children in one glaring way....there are MANY ways, actually...but the most glaring to me is that ALL ADOPTED CHILDREN HAVE EXPERIENCED GREAT LOSS.  All adopted children have to work through the loss and the rejection.  All adopted children work through that differently. 

This loss is what makes it hard for us adoptive parents.  Yes.  There was a great loss in your past.  Yes.  It hurts.  Yes. I do feel so very bad for the pain in your life and I do wish that I could take it all for you so you could have a 'normal' fun childhood.

But the reality is...in the day to day grind of dealing with the behaviors that come with that pain and loss...we (or perhaps I should just say I) tend to lose sight of that.  It's so easy to take the anger personally.  It's so easy to lash back at a child who just screamed "I hate you and I want a new mom" because you didn't allow a piece of candy right before supper. 

There has been great loss, and because of that loss families and friends of adoptive families may be met with a list of rules.

1. Don't touch my child when we get them home.
2. Don't rub his hair, no matter how adorable it is.
3. Don't feed my child sweets.  Ever.  For that matter, don't give him anything.  Give it to me to give to him.
4. Don't tell my child how DARLING he/she is, no matter how true that is.
5. Don't single my adopted child out from our biological children.  (That's not really an issue in our home as there is only one bio....but I know it is in some homes.)
6. Don't take it personally or think that we are snobs if we don't show up at every function or cancel plans at the last minute.

The list could go on and on, I'm sure, but these are the ones that are popping into my head right now. 

So WHY?  Why can't you hug my child?  Why can't you give him a pack of smarties at church?  Why can't you oooh and aaaaah over my child? 

I'll give you a couple reasons...but I also encourage you to ASK.  Ask an adoptive mom why it doesn't work.  Ask that mom who has so many rules why it's any different than your children were/are.  ASK.  And adoptive mom's....TELL.  Share the reasons.  Folks won't honor our wishes if they don't see the logic. 

1.  Don't touch my child.  We have done this with all four of our older children.  A couple of them this wouldn't have been an issue...and a couple of them it was and sometimes still is a HUGE issue.  You see....there's this little thing called 'parent shopping'.  I don't mean when your child says 'I sure wish Susie's mom was MY mom cause Susie gets to play baseball and you won't let me'.  I mean it can really be a big, serious deal.  When Addie first came home she would hug the check out lady at Wal-Mart and ask if she could come live with her now.  She would latch on to various women and tell me for days why that woman would be a MUCH better mom than I am.  It got to the point that we had to stop being around a couple friends for a while because it was so serious.  Every time we would see one particular woman, Addie would be an absolute wreck for at least a week after.  Parent shopping is not always the case with every adopted child, but it's better to be safe than sorry.  Many of our children have learned that adults come and adults go.  To them it makes perfect sense that this new 'mom' is just mom for a season.  It makes perfect sense that they need to be on the lookout for a new mom.  It's what they have been taught. 

2. Don't rub my child's hair.  Rubbing someone's head is actually very bonding.  We want our child/ren to bond with US.  While we hope that someday they can have a bond with YOU as well, it is actually crucial that we bond first.  For some children that may take months...for others that can take years. 

3. Don't feed my child sweets.  Yep.  You heard it.  No sugary products of any sort should come from anyone other than mom or dad for months. Sometimes years.  There is actually a very logical reason behind this, but one that not many folks understand.  It took a therapist to tell us the reason.  Sugar is bonding.  It forms bonds of attachment more quickly than anything else.  A mother's breast milk is LOADED with sugar.  That baby is getting a sugary treat every time he/she eats.  We were advised to hold our children like babies and feed them a Sugar Daddy on a stick while gazing into their eyes to help.form.attachment.bonds.  As a general rule, you don't gift someone a package of meat sticks for Valentine's day.  You give them chocolates.  If you want to give my child a treat or a reward, make it a pencil or a little tablet or a sticker or a bookmark.  But PLEASE.  Save the sugary treats for me.

4. Don't tell my child how DARLING he/she is.  PLEASE.  One of ours in particular is very different in public than at home.  'Darling' doesn't just refer to that particular word.  He used to REFUSE to do any work of any kind at home.  Not one thing.  I'd ask him to fold the wash clothes or rake the leaves or pound nails in the board...and he would sit for days...literally...refusing to do it.  (PRAISE JESUS this is a very rare occurrence now.  He still is an obstinate little thing, but nothing like he was.)  However, we would go to my parents or Jason's parents and he would BEG to work.  Anything.  Everything.  It didn't matter to him.  Then he would get praised up one side and down the next about what a hard worker he was and he would smirk at us behind the back of the 'praiser'.  The hard children will eat up the praise and the comments...and make life at home a nightmare.

5. Don't single my adopted child out from my biological children.  In our case it's the opposite.  My pet peeve is when someone asks me, "Now which one is yours?"  I usually don't ever answer that question, just respond with "All five of them are mine".  While I know that comes across as snotty and sarcastic, it is truth.  My children are mine as much as yours are yours.  I don't think of them as 'my biological angel and my adopted children'.  Truth is that the bio can be just as big a brat as the other four.  And he likes to believe that his birth mommy lives in Russia, so don't pop his bubble.  :)  But really.  I know it's just interesting to some folks.  I know it's because they want to see if he looks like Jason and I or not.  I know it's just because sometimes they don't know what else to say.  When that question is asked in front of my children I can almost see the shutters come over their eyes.  They know they are MINE.  They know they have other families somewhere out there in the world.  They know they are adopted.  They deal with that every day.  They don't need reminders and they don't need singled out as 'not a part of the family'. I know that isn't how many people see that question, but that is how my children perceive it.  We work hard to make sure that they feel a part of the family.  That they feel accepted.  That they feel unconditionally loved.  One little question can plant a seed that can grow significantly when they go to bed.  And goodness.  If there's one thing that my children don't need help in, it's keeping themselves from sleeping.  They do a fine job at staying awake for hours at night....a question like that is not needed.

6. Don't take it personally or think that we are snobs if we don't show up at every function or cancel plans at the last minute.  For real.  We have missed countless functions over the past seven years.  Many of them we had full intentions of attending, but it became/becomes very apparent that one or four children simply could not handle it.  The little word 'overstimulation' I used to scoff at. I did.  And then I was gifted several children who are easily overstimulated.  A few weeks ago our oldest went with a friend for the day.  She was SO excited.  And so was I.  She needs to get out some.  She needs to spread her wings. She NEEDS interaction and sometimes I think she doesn't get what she really needs because of some of her siblings.  But anyway.  She went.  They went roller skating.  Where there was loud music.  Then they went out for ice cream.  Where (she said) there was loud music.  I suspect that you or I wouldn't have noticed it, but it was too much for her.  Then they went to a fundraiser supper where there was a concert.  Nice Christian music.  She came home and I asked her how it was, expecting a glowing picture of her day.  Instead she said..."Mom.  There was LOUD music everywhere we went.  My head feels like it is spinning and I just want to go to bed."  This was the daughter that I can't usually get to quit talking.  She was done. She was overstimulated.  The next day she was able to tell me all about the FUN she had...but it took some quiet home regulation to get there.  The world out there is LOUD to already overstimulated kids.  A ball game at the park sounds like a blast, but to a couple of our children it's exhausting. There's people, and the sound of the bat hitting the ball, and the color of the nearby playground, and the smells that are different than home, and the laughing, and the talking, and the rules of the game AND.IT'S.JUST.TOO.MUCH.  So please.  Don't take it personal. 

So there you have it.  I welcome questions.  I love it when folks are specific and obviously want to be educated, not just nosey.  I love to share the good, bad, and the ugly. 

I encourage you to ask away.  Anything and everything.  I always reserve the right to protect my child/ren's privacy when needed.  But I also love to share.  I have learned that even those families who appear to have no issues can generally scrape up something.  And often it looks remarkably similar to mine. 

Those were just six of the 'don'ts' that you may have heard.  I'm sure there are more.    Over the coming 'Adoption Awareness' month I hope to touch on a few things that perhaps are not often touched.  Not with a ten foot pole.  It's awkward to share some things without sounding like I'm feeling sorry for myself.  It's uncomfortable to be open.  But I think it's very necessary. 

We don't feel sorry for ourselves.  We DID choose to adopt.  Nobody forced us.  We did NOT choose to have some of the issues that we deal with, just like you don't choose health problems or hurts in life.  God has had our back for years and I don't think He's going to leave. 

Just like we aren't ashamed of a child who falls out of a tree and breaks a leg, we shouldn't be ashamed of a child who has a broken mind and heart.  We totally understand a child's limitations with a broken limb, but aren't allowed to talk about a child with a broken spirit.  Makes sense, huh?! 

It's time for honesty in the adoption world. Just like having a family of biological children, it's hard. It's also totally different.  Different parenting styles, different heartaches, different family dynamics. 

And what CAN you do?  You heard a few 'Don'ts'...but what about the 'Do's'?!  Next time back I hope to touch on things you CAN do to help an adoptive family. 

Life Moves On

I can't believe it has been five months.  Five months since God stretched us far, far beyond what we ever imagined or wanted.  Far beyond what we thought we could possibly handle.

Cause we were settled and happy right where we were. 

Our family was getting more normal every day.  We could finally consider stealing away, just Jason and I, for the first time in six years to just be alone for an over-nighter.  It sounded so incredibly peaceful and quiet and relaxing and delightful and well, the list could go on for a very long time.  You get the point.  I was excited just thinking about dropping the munchkins off and returning to pick them up the next day.

I've had my share of childish pity parties over the past five months.  Why'd God choose our family to raise children from terribly hard places?  Why'd God allow us to cross paths with the 'other family' at just that time?  Why'd God answer my prayers for children by giving us five children in just a hair over six years?  I mean, why couldn't he space them out just a little bit?

Get what I'm saying?  I was feeling sorry for myself because God answered my prayers.  Huh.  Something is wrong with that picture.  It's so typical of us as humans to be that way.  We pray, we beg God, we cry, we plead...and when God gives us what we begged for we question His timing and His faithfulness. 

Shame on me.

The past five months haven't been a bed of roses, there's been plenty of thorns, but neither have the past five months been all that bad.

Our newest daughter has done remarkably well.  She has her moments, of course.  She's had her fair share of meltdowns and her times of sadness due to missing her 'other mommy and daddy'.  But she fits in our family like God intended for her to be here.  Imagine that.  Most days I forget that she wasn't born to me. 

I have never been so thankful that God placed Will in our family as I have been in the past five months.  Will's RADish behavior was completely preparing me for welcoming Gracie into our home.  She's not destructive, she's not loud and obnoxious....she quietly goes about issuing orders and demanding that her new siblings follow her rules.  :)  You can imagine how well that goes over.  Similar to a lead balloon.  She tests the boundaries in the exact same ways that Will did....and responds with the same meltdown style that he always used.  It makes me smile.  I don't smile at the fact that her pain is so great, I smile at the fact that I've played this game before.  The rules are the same.  The strategies are identical.  We pray and trust her pain will not lead to the extremes that Will went to. 

The rest of our children have finally settled in to life with a new sister.  It's not been overly easy.  Addie struggled for several months with having to give up her only girl status.  As badly as she wanted a sister, I don't think she had in mind a sister who would use all her stuff and talk.  She wanted a sister who came as a new baby so the 'getting in the stuff' could be put off for a while.  :) 

Will.  He's still Will.  Overly ambitious.  Very charming....especially in public.  Nearly always happy!!!  That statement is one that a couple years ago I wasn't sure I would ever say again.  He had at least a year that he literally didn't smile or laugh.  It was all raging and destruction.  Now?!  You wouldn't guess in a million years the struggles he had.  I'm not saying that his little brain is completely healed.  It's not.  We still have hours...years....of work to do for him to really accept the fact that we love him no matter what.  I'll just state a very large truth....if it weren't for the insight of some very skilled therapists, I hate to think where we would be in our journey of parenting Will.  It's very well known that if a child tries to kill animals, that child is very, very sick and the next step is humans.  That was our Will.  I was never fearful for myself, but I was very fearful for our unborn baby.  Please, please, please.  If your child is showing signs of anything that scary....find help immediately.  I am all for praying and reading the Bible, but I also firmly believe that God gave certain individuals certain gifts.  There are folks out there who can give very practical ways to deal with the hard behaviors.  Don't stop praying.  Don't stop reading His Word.  But don't be too proud to get professional help.

This picture is a PERFECT example of Will's current attitude toward life!!  Gung ho!

Anyway.  Whew.  As some of you may know, Will started attending yet another school this year.  In the middle of the year.  Three schools in two years isn't so bad, is it?  He's now attending Montessori...which he absolutely LOVES!!!  He is playing the violin (an orchestra instrument is required) and is thriving on the hands on learning.  And the best part?!  His love for school is following him home!!!  I can now honestly say that he is fun to have around.  Most of the time. ;)  Seriously.  We are so very thankful that our little town has this option AND that it seems to be just the right school for Will! 

I'm doing 'school' at home with numbers three and four, but next year they will be hopping on a school bus!  They are so incredibly excited.  Nearly every day they ask how many days it is until they get to go to school.  So.  Why are we enrolling in a third school?  *headache starts now*  Quite simple really.  The school Addie attends has all grades in the same room.  If any siblings are in the room with her she becomes the mom and as a result will do little to no school work.  School becomes a huge headache and stress in her life because she feels 'responsible' for the behaviors of her siblings.  We learned that with Will.  Sending them to Montessori isn't an option due to funds.  That leaves sending them to a third school. 

Gracie, Jack, and Ty are like three peas in a pod.  They do everything together and I cannot imagine the sadness when Ty realizes he will be home all day every day by himself.  :)  Jack has accepted Gracie as his favorite sibling since the day she arrived and that hasn't changed a bit.  They very rarely leave the other's side.  Ty screeches along behind them acting the part of a typical two year old pesky brother. 

So there's an update.  Life moves on.  We deal with the sticky fingers of one child, the nonstop lies of another.  We make games out of both.  We look at each other and wonder how in the world we ended up with five children ten and under anyway.  Just 7 short years ago it was just the two of us and Jason bought me a bright yellow little canary to keep me company...to keep it from being so quiet in our house.  HAHAHAHA!!!!  Who would have thought that in just seven years time I would delight in feeding my horse just because it means I get five minutes of silence in my day?!  :D 

I do love my children.  More than I ever imagined.  In different ways than I ever imagined.  Through different struggles and trials than I ever imagined.

This little song.  It speaks to my heart.  Yes.  It's a child song.  It's very simple.  But it's truth.

"So let the Son shine in
Face it with a grin
Smilers never lose
And frowners never win.
So let the Son shine in
Face it with a grin
Open up your heart
And let the Son shine in!"

No matter the struggles.  No matter if my life is not even one iota similar to what I imagined seven years ago.  No matter what gets tossed in my lap.

With Jesus shining His love on me, the smiles always win.