Just a Little Info

To answer the questions that I received regarding the program we were involved in...

I honestly don't know the name of the ranch. I don't know the name of the program.

How's that for helpful?!

The name of the lady who runs the ranch is Nancy Thomas. We used her "Taming the Tiger While It's a Kitten" program with Addie back 3 1/2 years ago (used for small children who are out of control). We loved it. It totally transformed our little lady, though we're doing some of it all over again this week! Her therapy sessions brought out some past hurts that are now being dealt with.

Yes. It's been a VERY pleasant week. Especially if you're fond of screeching and hollering. And children flopping on the floor declaring that nobody likes them.

Nancy Thomas is not a therapist. She employs a therapist by the name of James Dumesnil. I think. And a lady by the name of Judy, who is a retired detective and is the cook and child job enforcer. Our children were a little scared of her at first as she can be rather intimidating, but by the end of the week they loved her!

You can find some information about her and what she does at www.attachment.org.

Nancy and her husband own a 27 acre ranch that they open up to two families a month who are needing help. They have a main house which is where we ate all our meals except breakfast. They milk a goat, have laying hens, have a garden, and live about 50 feet from the Colorado River. It's a beautiful, relaxing location....which is needed. Most definitely.

While there they give the children simple jobs...ours had to wash the cabinets, the stove front, the dishwasher front. Nothing hard at all. They want to teach them to do jobs fast and snappy and right the first time. When the child is finished doing the job, he/she is to strong sit (which I touched on yesterday) for about 30 seconds until the parent can check the job. If done correctly, they are met with great pizzazz. Jumping up and down. Big hug. Kisses. Loud hallelujahs. If the job is not done correctly, they are given the rag and encouraged to do their job very carefully. Then the strong sitting....and on and on until the job is done right.

We were told to sit and observe so we could see how to best deal with the situations that may arise. That was difficult. Having strangers taking care of our children when we were sitting right there?! Wow.

They teach the children how to sit on rugs to play, teaching them boundaries. When on the rug they must be quiet and keep the toys on the rug. Legos, blocks, etc. are some of the toys that are highly recommended for the rug. Anything to keep their minds working. Puzzles are also a huge plus. The rug tactic is employed here now. :) Nope the children don't necessarily enjoy it, but it does give me a break now and then. It's quiet. It's keeping them entertained. It's building brain cells. It's a winner.

They also use lots of crawling and jumping on a mini tramp. So we do, too. :) We're such copycats. Each child jumps on the tramp about 25 minutes each day. Something about that helps to get them to focus. The crawling uses both sides of the body and therefore makes both sides of the brain work together. Thus reducing the survival mode and enlarging the logic mode. And just so you know...mini tramps are $34 at Wal-Mart. You're welcome. :)

Meal time manners were a huge issue with them. Chewing with the mouth open? No problem. Pick up their plate and cup and move them to another spot to finish eating. Elbows on the table? Move them to their own table so they can be as sloppy as they care to. Not eating? See you later!! Enjoy eating by yourself. Not done eating when the rest of the family is? Not a big deal. Chickens need food too. That was hard for me as well. Just sitting there not correcting over and over and over for the same thing at every meal? Who'da thunk that it was as simple as moving them somewhere else to finish up?! And believe me when I say that it does make meal time much less stressful. Or maybe we're the only ones who remind and remind and remind to chew with the mouth closed. I don't like moving them, but they are learning to pay attention...as they don't really like to be moved either.

Trust is another huge item. We started on day two practicing 'trust falls'. The child stood in front of the dad/mom, crossed his/her arms over chest (opposite hand to opposite shoulder), closed his/her eyes, kept legs perfectly straight, and fell backwards into our arms. That takes trust.

The next day we led them blindfolded through an obstacle course....around a several foot tall fire pit (don't worry, there was no fire), down a stone pathway, around a pile of rocks that was a little tipsy, through a path on hands and knees with hula hoops set up to keep them in the path, across a stump path, up onto a table, up a piece of plywood perched on a tall stump, and finally on to a four foot tall stump that they trust fell off of backwards into our arms. Talk about needing to trust.

Trust is a huge item with attachment issues. The child has had so many times that someone failed them that they learn to not trust anyone.

In a normal week there are two families there together...one week a month as I said. One family would have morning therapy sessions while the other would have afternoon therapy sessions.

It didn't work that way for us. The other family that was there had a child who absolutely refused to talk. She had one seven hour therapy session in which she never said one word. They tried again the next day and she said a few things but then shut down and never said another word for several hours. The therapy didn't work for her. She was a very tough case.

If you need another prayer item to put on your list....add Brittany and her parents. She headed from the ranch to a residential care home where she will live for the next few months and hopefully receive what she needs to get on the path to being a strong, healthy child. It was very hard to watch.

Anyway.

Our week consisted of a morning session and then most afternoons we would have another session. Will and Addie both received a lot of therapy, for which we were so thankful. We also received several therapy sessions. Many times dealing with a problem child works to drive a wedge between the parents. I 'll have to admit that had we gone to the ranch several months ago they would've found a large wedge. Will was getting quite good at triangulating Jason and I against each other. Doing something around here during the day...racing to the pickup to tell Jason something different the minute the pick up was parked in the evening. It's crazy how it was working.

We finally got our heads together and figured out what was happening, but I'm a little embarrassed to admit just how long it took us.

Anyway. Therapy lasted 4-5 hours each day. Some days a lot longer.

During our down time we were told to just relax and unwind. My mom went with us and often took the children to the river to play while Jason and I napped. Or talked. Or read. Or did anything to just give our brains a nice break. It was rather stressful and extremely exhausting.

The last day we had a forgiveness session. Each of us went around to the other members of the family and told them what we had done and asked for forgiveness. Some of the things the children said I had long since forgotten, but it was clear that they had not and needed to get it off their chests.

Forgiveness session over we all were given a piece of paper to write down all the stuff that we wanted to leave there. Baggage. Things that we had no desire to bring home with us. Will drew pictures of things that he wanted to forget and leave behind while the rest of us wrote. And wrote. Then we headed into the house to throw our lists into the fire....never to be brought back again. It was quite the experience. One that I think we could employ here in our home. Starting with the forgiveness.

We ate one last meal with them, snapped some group pictures, and headed for the airport.

Miss Judy and her son.

Us with Miss Nancy and Mr. James.

And us with Mr. Brandon, the summer ranch hand.

Mr. Brandon has an incredible story. Incredible. He was diagnosed as severely autistic at the age of two. His mom has scars on her thumb where he tried to bite it off. Doctors recommended that he be placed in an institution as he was out of control. I don't know for sure what happened. His family all came to Christ as a result of his sickness and he was healed. Today he is a fine young man just ready to start college. He's going to school to become a music composer and teacher. He sent us home with one of his cd's...music that he composed and his sister sang along as he played the piano.

Incredible.

So that was that. We caught our flight out of Denver about 7:10, landed at our airport about 12:30AM, and arrived home about 2:00AM. Big day. Tired family.

Getting back to real life was a struggle....especially when mom and dad start employing some new tactics. :) Keeps life interesting.

W.A.L.T.E.R and More

Let me start this off by saying that I am NOT a parenting expert. Not one little stitch. Most nights I go to bed and lie there thinking about our day, beating myself up for the bad ways that I handled this or that. Some days I go to bed thinking that if it weren't for all my mess-ups perhaps we wouldn't have so many issues around here. But then I remind myself that that is precisely what the devil wants me to think.

No that reminder doesn't make it any easier, but it does make me remember that I am human. We will make mistakes. The key, if I can just remember, is to ask the children for forgiveness when the mistakes are made. They need to know that I am not perfect and I don't expect them to be perfect either. They need to feel accepted no matter what.

So. We've established that major point. I. Am. Not. A. Parenting. Expert.

Now we'll move on to Walter. I was amazed at how many e-mails I received asking how to deal with that Walter stuff. Why ask me? :) It hit us like a ton of bricks. Sure, we knew that we were employing those tactics far too often, so it shouldn't have been so enlightening, but it was.

A refresher.

W arning
A rguing
L ecturing
T hreatening
E xcusing (the behavior of the child) and E xcuses (from the child)
R eminding

I really don't know how to deal with all of these. Sorry. All I know is what they told us at the ranch.

The Warning is simply something that we as parents have to train ourselves not to do. Actually they all are. Rather than passing out warnings, go straight to the ticket. Instead of saying 'Make sure you're picking up the sticks as I asked you to do!', say, "Uh-oh! Sit strong til you're ready to do the job you were assigned!' Don't tell them what the job was. They know. When they've sat strong for about 30 seconds, grab them in a bear hug, tell them how proud of them you are for sitting strong, hold their hands while asking them what happened, grab them in another bear hug and commend them for telling the truth (never say thank you for telling the truth as that is expected...just say good job telling the truth), and send them on to do their job again. Again, just passing on exactly what they told us....none of this is original to me.

If you know me very well at all, you would know that I am NOT a huggy person. I like my space and this method of many, many hugs all day long is stretching me to the max. But the children LOVE it. Why didn't I do this before?!

The Arguing is something that both our children are really good at. If there was a medal for it, one of them would have certainly won it. :/ We knew it wasn't acceptable, but how in the world do you get it to stop? Good question. One that we asked during at least one of our therapy sessions. They told us that it was simple. :) We were so glad, but found out that it wasn't as simple as they claimed. Just have the child give themselves a 'mouth hug'. In other words, cover their mouth with their hand for several minutes. When the time is up and the mouth hug was done correctly...without whining or fit throwing (as ours do and we have to tack on some extra time) scoop them up in a big ole bear hug and commend them for the spectacular mouth hug!! Then ask what happened, commend them for telling the truth, and scoop them up in yet another hug!! Yep, more hugging.

The mouth hug is also used for interrupting, talking back, disrespect, unnecessary chatter, etc.

Oh, and to slip something in here that is huge for us. They never use the words punishment or consequence. Both of those have a negative connotation. Instead, they use the word 'restitution'. If your little Johnny smacks his sister across the head, he has to do something kind for her....make her bed the next morning, pick up her plate after the meal, give her a head rub, give her a back rub, etc. Try to make the child think of the restitution so they are using their brain rather than using your brain. The same happens if they talk back to you, are disrespectful, etc. They give you the backrub. Ahhhhh. Can't say as I mind that!!

Then we come to the Lecturing. Bad subject for me. Sad but true, I am a super lecturer. I would win the medal on that one. It's not uncommon for me to...or should I say 'it wasn't uncommon' ;)...lecture and lecture and lecture. Often the children's eyes would glaze over and when I got my frustration out and asked them what I said? Not one clue. They had moved on to what they had planned when Mommy was done with the lecture. You know the one. "I told you to pick up the toys and what did I find you doing? Playing. That's right. I don't know why you can't listen the first time. Why don't you pay attention to your job? Oh this upsets me. Pick up those toys and get it done NOW. What did I just tell you?" And they look at me and finally say, "Um. Well. Um. I don't know. Did you say to pick up the toys?" And I go off again on the value of listening and paying attention when someone is talking to them. Yep. (And yet, I find that I am the one who has taught them to not pay attention to the person who is talking to them. How often do they come to tell me something that is so important to them and I don't take the time to look into their eyes while they're talking. In fact, my back may be completely turned as fixing supper is so much more important than hearing about the bird nest that they just found on the ground.)

Why am I the lucky winner on airing all the bad stuff from our house. And here you all thought we were perfect. :) If you have a blog, could you please air your dirty laundry on it so I don't feel so alone?!

Back to the Lecturing. We were told, in short simple phrases, to keep things short and simple. Yep. It's just that easy. :) Skip the lecture. Use simple phrases like, "What were you asked to do?" "Where are you supposed to be?" That throws it right back at the child, they have to use their brains to remember what they were asked to do, and we can keep our cool and still have smiling mouths and eyes.

Just that simple. Unless you're me and struggle with that simple stuff. :/

I think I'll stop there for now on W.A.L.T.E.R. He is one large man and quite frankly? My brain is on overload.

I'll touch just a little bit on the sitting strong. It's not intended to be used as a punishment. It's just what it says. Getting strong. They stress big-time the weak versus strong children. Weak children need a little help to stop throwing the fits, having scream fests, flopping on the floor for hours because they were asked to pick up toys (here you go, peeking into our house again). If any of that happens, escort them kindly and gently (with smiling lips AND eyes) to their 'get strong spot'. At our house we have three rugs in three different rooms, one for each child. They know the color of their rug. They find it, and sit indian style on it, while folding their hands in a certain way in front of them. I really don't know how to explain the hands. Cross them over in front of you with palms together and hands folded, then flip them towards you so the fingers are right under the chin. Another way to do it is put opposite hand on opposite shoulder, forming an x in front of your chest. Don't make a big deal of it. I have a child right now who has been flopping around on his rug for nearly two hours...all because he doesn't want to sit strong. :) I tell him occasionally that I'm glad he's taking his time as that way I know he's good and strong when he finally decides to do it. Once they finally do decide to sit strong, only make them do it for about 30 seconds. When they get to the point that it is no big deal, then you know that they are truly feeling strong again.

A little example of how to sit strong that I snapped last week...

And just so you know. Our children are definitely classified as weak. Though they are getting stronger every single day!!!! When dealing with a child who has a larger survival mode than logic mode, they are naturally going to be weaker at making wise choices. The sitting strong while crossing arms and legs actually makes both sides of the brain function together and therefore helps build the good parts of the brain while shrinking the survival parts.

Yes. This all takes a ton of time. Which is precisely why you may not see me out and about for a little while. Building strong children is a huge task, but so essential to having a functional family.

If you care to read more in depth and glean some more ideas on logical, fun ways to build strong children, check out the book, "When Love is Not Enough" by Nancy Thomas. I can see eyebrows raising even as I type. Sadly, sometimes just loving a child is simply not enough to help them heal. It sounds good. But we tried it for four years and love alone didn't pull us through our struggles. We LOVE our children. Most definitely. But it takes more than that for hurt children to understand that we REALLY DO love them. We really will never abandon them as they were abandoned (or feel like they were abandoned) by their birth parents. Not all adopted children deal with this stuff. It depends a lot on personality and how they view their birth parents.

In fact, this stuff isn't limited to adopted children at all. There are many, many 'home-made' children who have the exact same issues. Believe it or not.

And now I must go. This has dragged on long enough and likely there's only two, or maybe one, person who will actually read it through to the end. :) If our therapy can help one person out there, it was worth my time to type this up.

Blessings to you all!!

Our Week & What Happens Now

What a week. Oh, what a week. Insightful. Far from relaxing.

Always before when we went to Colorado it was so relaxing. Calm. Peaceful.

This week had moments like that. For sure. Our guest house was about 50 feet from the Colorado River and if we left a window open at night we could hear it rushing past. That part was calming. So were the river swims. Chilly but relaxing.

Meal time was relaxing, I guess. We ate with everyone at the ranch and I didn't have to cook. That was relaxing. The folks in charge took care of our children during the meals. That was relaxing.

We had an opportunity or two each day to just spend time together as a couple. That was relaxing. Not sure our children liked that as they were typically doing jobs during that time, but we sure did enjoy it!

Yep. I know that I resemble a whale.

But the reason we really went for? The several hours at a time therapy sessions? That was not relaxing.

We did learn A LOT. Not just about ourselves, but also about our children. I had no clue that there was so much stuff bottled up inside them. NO CLUE. I had no clue that a five and seven year old could have so many bad memories from such early ages. NO CLUE. I don't remember anything from before I was 4 or so. They remember nearly everything. With no prompting from anyone. They just talked and talked and talked. And cried and cried and cried.

It was a wonderful week. We were trained on how to better understand children who came from a traumatic background. Trained on how to better deal with daily issues that crop up. Trained on what to do in different situations.

I'm not going to go into detail. It was hard for each of the children to open up at first and I really don't think it's anyone else's business as to what is happening in their little brains. And hearts. And everything.

So what happens now?

Good question.

I wish I knew. :)

Do you remember when we did the carrying thing with Addie? Many of you may not. She was a three year old terror operating at the level of about 18 months. At the oldest. For twelve long weeks she sat in an Ergo in front of me, facing me, for 8-12 hours a day. She bit. She kicked. She screamed. She clawed. She spit.

And she ultimately learned that we were going to love her no. matter. what. About week 9 the biting, spitting, hitting, kicking, and whatnot stopped...and she told us that she was now a big girl. And she was. Something in her little mind flipped a switch and she became a three year old little girl. Sure, a three year old little girl who needed lots of learning, but still a three year old little girl.

During that time I and the children went nowhere. I could count on one hand the number of times we went to church. We had no company. I didn't go to town at all. My mom did it for me. It was a very looonnnngggg twelve weeks, but it was worth it.

No. I'm not going to be carrying Will in a pouch. Or Addie. Or Jack. My 'pouch' happens to be quite full at the moment. :)

I will be staying home. A lot. Most of the time. That means no church. No town. No visitors unless they breeze in and breeze back out.

We will be sticking close to home and doing lots of therapeutic holding time. Lots of cuddling as a family. Lots of hugs. Lots of kisses. Lots of pizzazz over everything....to build them up and get the notion that they are bad (because of feelings of rejection left from being abandoned by birth moms)shoved right out the door.

And what happens when the baby comes in five short weeks? Or earlier? Or later? We still stick close to home. We still do lots of cuddling. We still may not be able to go to church. I still may not be going to town. Life is looking different that I thought it would when this baby arrived. :)

What did we learn?

Where do I start?

The first thing we learned was not to dance with Walter. He's a not cool person. Not cool at all.

W arning
A rguing
L ecture
T hreaten
E xcuses
R eminder

Walter in person. Perhaps none of you out there have a problem with dancing with Walter, but we found that some of those things happen an awful lot at our house. Lecturing? Allowing arguing? Listening to escuses? Handing out warnings? Reminding frequently?

Oh yes. Sadly, I've found that it's pretty easy to pass out warnings right and left. It's pretty easy to remind and remind and remind...when the child knows good and well what he/she is to be doing. It's pretty easy to ramble on and on and on when a simple statement would be sufficient.

So we don't want to dance with Walter.

We learned that children with traumatic backgrounds have brains that are set up a little different than children with a peaceful happy background. Every brain has a survival mode. Every brain has a logic thinking mode. A child with trauma in the background has a survival mode that is twice as large as a child with a 'normal' background. A child with a 'normal' background has a logic mode that is twice the size of the survival mode.

So what does that mean? Our children all have survival mode as the default setting. All three of them have had traumatic starts. How traumatic do you think it would be to be born to someone, have that someone leave you at an orphanage, be cared for by multiple people, and finally be taken home by some strangers who claim to love you and tell you that they will never leave you. Trauma.

That means that all three of our children have survival mode as the default setting. They face a situation and automatically try to figure out how to survive it rather than think it through with logic. Addie worked through a lot of that when we carried her several years ago, but Will is just now dealing with it.

Our job is to train them to use the logic part more than the survival part so the logic part grows and the survival part shrinks.

Yeah. Makes me tired too.

They gave us different techniques to employ and warned us that the first two weeks home will be the most difficult. Thank you.

The next five months will be focused on helping Will work through his struggles and teaching him how to best handle them. About one month for every year of age.

At the same time we'll be working with Addie on the same things, working with Jack on the same things, and caring for a new baby. :) Yep. I'm tired.

And that's something else we learned. You know when someone has a new baby and everyone wants to come visit? Great! You know how some folks bring a gift for the baby? Fine! You know how the rest of the children tend to be ignored? Not great. In 'normal' children that isn't such a big deal. In children who have experienced rejection, that can be a big deal. To the point of making the older sibling/s truly hate the baby. Which could cause some problems. A gift for the baby and not for them simply tends to reinforce that they are worth nothing. More rejection.

No, that doesn't sound logical to us. But traumatized children don't deal with situations logically.

So there you have it in a nutshell. I can't remember all that we learned. I can't remember the stuff that I was going to be SURE to put in a blog post. Oh well. Perhaps as I think of it, I can post it then. Perhaps not. I don't foresee sitting in front of the computer happening much in the coming months. We shall see.

Thank you all so much for the prayers!!

Oh. And welcome home us. When I had barely finished typing this post the strong wind whipped through. Not too bad of damage. One door ripped right off it's hinges, two large trees down, one barn door ripped off, and lots of branches and paraphernalia spread all over the property. Yippee. Mom was here and served as watchdog while the children and I scooted to the basement. :) And then this morning a thunderstorm came through. Our bed was full. :)

So very thankful that the damage was minimal. Praise God!!!

Prayers Appreciated

Oh my. Life does throw some curve balls.

Today at noon we found out that there is an opening for a week long intensive therapy available.

Starting yesterday.

In Colorado.

SO.

We leave tomorrow for one week in Colorado.

Not for a pleasure trip.

There will be therapy sessions much of every day.

Does not sound fun.

Does sound needful.

Prayers would be appreciated.

It's truly a miracle.

This kind of thing you usually get put on a waiting list that takes several months to get to the top.

We are getting in one day after I called.

Miracle.

Much needed.

Blessings on your week!

Life Goes On

Oh my. It's been ages since I've sat at the computer with the goal of typing a blog post. I've sat at the computer all right.

I've researched various pregnancy topics.

I've checked out various sheep/lamb issues.

I've read a few (very few) blogs.

I've googled different things to the point that I think I should be part owner of google.

And I've read and read and read on attachment issues.

Honestly? That last one is the one that has been taking the most time. I'm weary. I wonder if this is all worth it. I feel like giving up.

But then I think of the precious soul of our child. And I think of the havoc that could happen if we just give up. And I cry. And I pray. And I call therapists to find out how quickly we can get in to see them. We'll drive anywhere at this point. If we found out that an attachment therapist in Alaska had an opening on Friday, we'd pack our bags and hit the road yet tonight. Maybe we'd even skip packing the bags in order to get there sooner. Surely there'd be Wal-Mart's along the way that we could purchase necessary items.

Yes. It is getting that serious. I'm not sure if he is the one that is getting worse, or if I am reaching my breaking point. I honestly wonder if I'm the one who needs the therapy.

All I know is that something has to happen. And soon.

My biggest concern right now is for our other two children. Okay, make that three. :) Addie and Jack are both a little scared of Will, and it's creating a family environment that simply is not fun. My stress levels certainly cannot be good for the little shaver growing in my tummy.

It's time to get some serious help. I wish I could spill it all right here and right now, but I don't know that he needs everybody and their brother knowing all the nitty gritty details. Just know that any and all prayers will be much appreciated.

We truly thought that things were improving. Truly. For several days the lying was gone, the happy face was on, the grouching and tantrums were nearly disposed of, the other two children were back to their normal carefree selves.....

And then he started back in more than ever. Around other folks he puts on a happy face and acts (for the most part) like any other five year old boy. I think that's what makes it the hardest. When folks say...."What are you talking about? He's just acting like any other five year old boy." Please come live with us for a few days if that is what you believe.

Please, please, please. If you know of someone who is dealing with a child that they claim is a major handful....don't judge them. I'll about guarantee that they are doing the very best they can. It may not appear that way looking on. It may appear that they are too strict, too lenient, too protective. Go for a short walk in their shoes.

I'm not saying that to gain any sympathy. God has placed us on this path for a reason....I just don't have a clue what it is. We don't like it, but we're trying to trust that He will not let us down. That He will carry us through this. That He will allow us to find Will the help that is needed.

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In other news. The pregnancy is going great. I'm large as an elephant. Hot. Tired. And seriously enjoying being pregnant. I love to feel the little shaver kicking around. I love it when he/she has the hic-ups. I love knowing that I'm gaining 30 pounds for a reason. :) Seriously. I cannot complain. While it's not been a bed of roses, I feel like it's been such a privilege to carry a child.

I think I'd rather do paperwork than go through labor and delivery, but I doubt that just filling out forty documents and having them notarized, certified, and apostilled is going to get this child here. :)

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All our sheep have now lambed. There's somewhere around 55 lambs bouncing in our pasture, I think, with one little rejected one cruising around our yard. :) Her name is Missy, and I think she truly believes that she is a dog. The dogs chase a car, barking, Missy bounces along behind, bleating. The dogs drink out of the bucket, Missy does her best to copy. She's cute.

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Gena, our female Great Pyrenees dog, had nine pups over the weekend. Nine. Any takers for them? They'll be ready to go in just eight short weeks!!!

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Other than that? Not much is happening around here. Due to the child situation, I've become a hermit. Plans have been cancelled. We did go camping with a group of friends over the weekend, and are paying the price today. :) Tomorrow morning we have a phone appointment with a therapist and are hoping that sometime in the next couple weeks we can get a sit down session or ten with an attachment therapist.

I'd add some pictures, but have run out of time. Supper should be on the table in two minutes...and I have barely started it!!

"Talk" to you later!!

Smothers Day

Yesterday was a delightful day! About 7:15 three youngsters came bouncing down the steps...well...one of them came bouncing in from the living room where his bed still resides...and I was informed by the eldest that I MUST stay in bed.

Too bad for me.

While that may be a serious punishment for a child, it certainly didn't break my heart.

I lay there reading a magazine while listening to the giggles from the kitchen. Before too long in they paraded, each child carrying a bag of M&M's and Jason following along behind with a beautiful orchid.

"Happy Smother Day!!!", they announced! They were right. It was a rather smothering day. :)

After the appropriate amount of gushing, Addie remembered that she had a gift for me, only from her. She proceeded to the other side of our bed where she had 'hidden' it from me. Never mind the fact that it was on my side of the bed and it had been sitting there for several days. :) I didn't peek in it, not even once.

I wanted to be surprised when the time came to open it, and I truly was.

Every year at her school they have an auction. Parents and students donate items (kind of like a garage sale) and the students bid on the item of their choice, all of which are paid for with fake money that they earn through-out the school year. She had told me that she really wanted something badly, but she wasn't going to tell me what it was until she brought it home.

It ended up being a doll. She had thought she would keep it for herself until she realized that Mother's Day was coming up....then she decided that I would LOVE it and she gave it to me instead.

I did love it. Not necessarily the doll itself, though it is cute, but I LOVED the fact that she took an item that was highly treasured, an item that she had been looking forward to having for herself for several days, and gave it away.

I finally lumbered out of bed (yes, lumbered is the correct word nowadays) and we hustled around getting ready for church.

After a wonderful sermon, we headed back to the van where the menu was discussed for lunch. I was informed that when we arrived home I was to grab a bag of M&M's, a blanket, and a book and head to the recliner while Jason and the children fixed our meal.

I didn't argue, though I did dis-obey the orders just a tad. I was told that I couldn't go into the kitchen, but I HAD to snap a picture of the chefs.

Lunch consisted of hot dogs (Will was confident that they were my favorite...apparently he hasn't caught on to the fact that we only eat them about 3 times a year...when we camp), salad, and chips. Dessert was to be frozen fruit and chocolate texas sheet cake, but til that time rolled around we were entirely too stuffed for dessert.

After lunch I was told firmly that I HAD to go take a nap. Once again, I was devastated, but I obeyed my children and bedded down in the recliner once again.

While I slept, Addie and Will washed all the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. Wow.

I woke up right as I heard them say, "There, all done. I bet Mommy will be impressed."

And I was. Nothing quite like being ordered to take a nap and then waking to find the kitchen completely cleaned up.

We headed outside where the children rode bikes,

Swung,

and jumped on the farmer style trampoline. A tractor tire inner tube.

They love that thing. Will ended up with a slightly sore foot from twisting it when he landed wrong after an awesome stunt, but other wise it appeared to be fairly safe.

We all headed to the pasture on the four wheeler to 'help' Daddy move the sheep....and were pleasantly surprised to be able to meet the first lambs of the season! An adorable set of triplets.

This morning when Jason went back out to check on them, two more ewes had lambed during the night..one set of twins and a single (though she didn't appear to be quite done, so we'll see how many she ends up with).

I'll have to say, lambing season has to be the best part of living on a small farm. I love to see the new life. The wobbly little legs. The instinct to nurse. The bouncing around just a day or less after being born. The mommy sheeps constant baa's to keep the lambs close by. The lambs' answering bleats. If you've never been around a new mama and her lambs, I encourage you to find a farm with sheep around lambing time.

Anyway. That's a little off topic. Except not really, since that ewe became a mom on mother's day. :) Along with the cow that had a calf yesterday morning. :)

We got back to the house about 7:30 and finally ate our fruit and cake...along with popcorn. The children were sent off to bed about 9:00 and Jason and I sat down to a feast of grilled lamb spareribs. :) Isn't that what all parents do? Eat after their children are sleeping soundly?! It really wasn't planned that way. Really. We had planned to grill and eat as soon as we were back from the pasture, but the new lambs kind of detained us so we ran out of time.

It was delicious, by the way.

Then off we went to bed. Only to be awakened at 2:00 by Jack needing to go to the bathroom, and then again about 4:00 by the barking dogs, and about 6:00 by the alarm clock.

And thus begins another day. Addie is off to school, Will is sitting at the table attempting to get his attitude in check so we can do "school", Jack is playing, and Jason is in the field....hopefully on the last day of planting!!!

And me? I'm struggling to get my self back in gear after a very, very lazy day. I don't think that M&M's and a book should likely be on the agenda as part of my daily routine.

If You Pray for Patience....

....expect to receive circumstances that will require much exercise in patience.

If you pray for strength to meet the day, expect to receive circumstances that require much strength.

If you pray for wisdom in raising your children, expect to receive circumstances that require much more wisdom than you could ever come up with on your own.

In other words. If you pray for something, expect God to answer.

That's the conclusion that I came to at 2:00 this morning while I was waiting on lil' George to stop kicking me so I could sleep again. And really? It's a no-brainer.

Why do we pray for miracles and then act so surprised when it happens?

Why do we pray for patience and then act so surprised when God sees that our circumstances allow us to practice patience?

Why?

I know, we're human.

But should we really be so surprised when God gives us what we ask for?

I'll have to admit that the past week really isn't what I had in mind when I started to pray for patience. Had it been up to me I would have just gained extreme patience in my every day life.

One thing about me...I am far from a patient person. I used to think I was patient...and then I had children. :/

Not to use them for an excuse, but that really is the truth.

I love to have quiet time. Time when I just sit and do absolutely nothing. Not even read. Or eat M&M's. Time when I can lounge in a chair and stare at the ceiling. Not for a whole day or anything...just 20 minutes will do me a world of good. Time when I can shut off my brain. Time when I don't have to talk to anyone. Time that's it's just me and God.

That sounds selfish, I know. But trust me, it doesn't happen very often. As any mother knows, there simply is very little time during the day when it is actually quiet. Someone always needs something.

And that is when I snap. My patience button gets pushed. I bark at the children. I tell them in not so kind ways to be quiet. I escort them to the door to have some play time outside.

Not a pretty picture. But the honest truth.

And so. I started to pray that God would bless me with patience. And is He ever doing that.

This past week with Will has been something that feels as if it were written and we're just acting out the parts. It's been hard. It's been very unpleasant. It's been sad. It's been eye-opening.

I've learned once again just how much I need God in my life. I've learned once again that only He can give a mother the strength, patience, wisdom, gentleness, etc. that is needed on a daily, no secondly, basis.

Honestly? It's been good for me. But that doesn't mean that I've enjoyed it.

In fact, the day that I put up the post requesting prayer (which I have definitely felt...thank you all times a thousand) I had a meltdown. A kind of major one, in fact. I called Jason after discovering something that Will had done, and cried through the whole phone call. I called my mom and asked her to come over...after I sobbed so much that she thought something MAJOR had happened.

In reality? I had reached the end of my rope. I had been trying to do it all. Tough it up, put on a good front when we leave the house, act like nothing is wrong, smile at the appropriate times...actually that kind of resembles a hypocrite, huh?

Anyway. Mom came over as soon as she could. She walked in and sat Will down and let him know that how he was acting was not really acceptable. He was a little sad at knowing that Grandma knew what was going on, but nothing really changed that day.

The next day was super!! He bounded down the steps, raced through his jobs, and was able to play all day. Of course, that could have had something to do with the fact that he was going to spend the day at Grandma's (which he didn't know until after the jobs were done), but he did have a super day. So did I. That day was the ultrasound. Yes, we know what we're having, no, we're not going to tell you. :) It's name until the day it is born is 'George'. Just as it has been from the day we found out it was for real.....

The day after the super day was not so super. He woke up with a little attitude, which escalated rapidly and made for a rotten day. For him. He was in a bad mood all day...which appears to be made worse if Mommy doesn't join in on the bad mood fest. Bummer for him.

If I walked out of the room he was in, he screamed. If I hugged him, he screamed. If I gave him a kiss, he screamed. If I made a phone call, he screamed.

In other words, if he didn't feel like he was in control of what I was doing, he screamed. Oh so pleasant. :)

Thanks to much praying all day, and the prayers of you all which I could most definitely feel, God gave me strength and patience and love.

This morning it has been a little up and down. He started out horrid. Then switched gears and did his first job while singing. Then switched gears again and is taking well over an hour to do his 20 minutes worth of 'school'...which equates doing workbooks, but don't tell him that. :)

We shall see how the rest of the day goes. As I keep telling him....all I can do is be the Mommy that Jesus expects me to be. I can't control his behavior. I can't make him WANT to do what is right. I can't force him to do his school.

BUT I CAN be the Mommy that Jesus wants me to be...and by His grace...that will I do.

Thank you all for your prayers. And for those of you who have contacted me and said that you are dealing with the same thing? I'll be praying for you.