Adoption Family Day

Three years ago today Jason and I were up at 3:45AM reviewing our information for court. 3:45. I actually sent an e-mail home at 4:30 to ask my mom how to cook a whole chicken on the stove top. Such important information needed.

Mom sent an e-mail back pretty quick and we started the chicken.

Thus began our day on June 20, 2008.

According to my 'book' Oksana picked us up that morning at 8:15. We zoomed off to downtown Vlad and arrived at the court house at 8:55. after waiting for 35 minutes we were told that our judge was going to be a little late due to a fellow judge having a birthday. Our judge had to wait til the other judge got in for the day so she could wish her a happy birthday.

She arrived at 9:30. And the butterflies in my tummy multiplied thirty-fold.

The first question was directed to me, and I couldn't remember the answer. Oops. Thankfully, she laughed and moved on to the next topic...which was to wish me a happy birthday...which had been the day before.

Court lasted a mere 45 minutes and we became the parents of two children, just like that. Our family doubled in size. We were thrilled, but were a little clueless as to what we were getting ourselves into. :)

Immediately after court we raced to the baby home that had been Addie's home for 2 years. We had to be there by noon as the director was leaving and we wouldn't be able to pick Addie up if the director wasn't there.

The children were all outside playing when we pulled in the drive. Right away we spotted our little lady, talking on her cell phone a mile a minute. That part hasn't changed. ;) We said her name, Zhanna, and she turned and darted in our direction.

At that point she was happy to see us, but it only took a few hours til she no longer was as impressed with her new family.

Thus began our time as a family of three. Will was adopted the same day, but he didn't actually join our family til 11 days after court.

So. Today is Addie's Family Day. Boy, has she been excited.

If you ask her why Family Day is so important, she will look at you with a 'hello?' expression on her face and say, "Because it's the day I got a family!!"

She'll also tack on that she'll get presents and a cake, but that's not the whole point, of course. The point is that our children understand that they have a forever family.

For the past week, the countdown has been on. Yesterday morning she was up at 6:51 to tell her daddy happy fathers day and to tell me happy birthday. The next thing out of her mouth was, "Tomorrow is my Family Day!!!"

She's on cloud nine. First thing this morning she received her gifts. It's kind of like a second birthday. And really, that's what it is. Most of us have one birthday. One all-inclusive day that marks the day we were born and also the day that we joined our forever family. One day.

She has a thing for fwop-fwips.

And her very first leap pad...which happened to come with 15 books and four leap pads from the local consignment store. For six dollars. And they all work great. That's my kind of gift.

Our children have two special days a year. The day they were born to their Russian mommy and this day, the day they were 'born' into our family.

They don't complain.

Frankly, I like this day the best. Sure, the day they were born is a very important day. Their birth moms chose to give them life. Their birthdays are days that we spend talking about their birth moms. But their
birth-days are not days that we remember. I can't sit down with them and tell them all about the weather that day or what time they were born. I can't whip out the photo albums of when they were tiny babies. I can't tell about all the family members who came to visit them in the hospital. I can't tell them about their squeaky little newborn cries. I can't tell them about the first time they smiled or the first time they rolled over.

This day? Family day? I can talk about my memories. We can cuddle up in the lazy-boy with a thick photo album open on our laps. We can talk about what she was doing when we showed up at her baby home to take her with us. We can tell her how she was scared to go with us, yet scared even more when we took her up to her room for a group picture with all her little buddies. We can tell her how she thought she was going to have to stay there once again while we left. We can tell her about her first ride in a car with us. We can talk about those first few nights when she cried and cried and wouldn't go to sleep til well after midnight.

Then we can pull out the next album and talk about how she was one year later....

and the next year....

and this year.

And we can be amazed all over again at what an awesome God we serve. What an awesome God. He and He alone is the one who makes it all possible. He alone can orchestrate a family when they live thousands of miles apart. He alone has the power to blend us together so that most people would never know that our children weren't actually born to us.

What a blessing this little girl has been to our family. Sure, she also can be a headache :) but the blessings far out-weigh the headaches.

Every day she shows a little more personality. Every day we think back to how she used to be....back to the day when we wondered if she would ever be a 'normal' child. Back to the days when she spent hours screaming. Back to the days when she didn't want anything to do with us.

We think and we compare.

Now? She is delighted to be our daughter. She loves to sit on our laps...she used to fight us tooth and nail when we held her. She loves to curl up with her pillow and drift off to sleep...she used to rock herself violently to get to sleep. She loves to reply with quick little comebacks just to make us laugh....she used to require much thought before she could answer at all. She loves to give gifts to others....she used to scream and throw a little fit when anyone other than she received a gift.

We have been beyond blessed with our little girl and I can only pray that with God's help we can raise her to be a godly young woman.

Christmas in May

Yes, you read that correctly. This year we had Christmas in May.

May 15th, to be exact.

I really don't know why it took us so long to open gifts.

Actually, I maybe do know.

We celebrated Christmas with my family during the Christmas Day weekend. The children ripped into their stockings Christmas Day morning (I think) and we thought we would open gifts just a few days later.

Life got in the way. The week after Christmas was spent packing our bags to head to Russia and attempting to keep a mainly cleaned-up house....which I think I can say didn't work very well. I will forever feel bad about the wreck that our flooded-house-cleaner-uppers had to deal with. I worked on bookwork the week before we left and left the piles of papers lounging on the desk. Our second-trip-to-Russia piles were still in Will's room as the suitcases couldn't hold nearly all that I had hoped to drag along. There were also piles on the couch that had been taken out of the suitcases because of the weight issue of the bags. Oh. And the sweeper was sitting in the middle of the living room floor cause I had swept just minutes before our ride showed up to whisk us off to the airport and I didn't have the time to take it to the basement before we left. I never dreamed that other folks would have to clean up the messes for me. Sorry about that, all you who had to clean up after me.

Anyway.

We then thought that maybe we would be able to just open them on Russia Christmas, January 7th. Didn't happen. That's the day our flight left for Moscow.

We came home from Russia and moved into Jason's sister's house while ours was being remodeled after the broken water pipe which resulted in a flood. The gifts were there for us, but frankly? We were just so thrilled to be back 'home' again that the idea of opening gifts didn't even click.

Two weeks after coming 'home' we moved back home for real. You'd think that we would have opened the gifts then, but no. Life was more than busy at that point. We had a new little fella who got into absolutely everything, we had boxes of stuff to unpack, we had routines to re-establish.

Seems like we could have opened them in March. But we didn't.

Then how about April? Why not then? Good question.

We waited til May, and frankly, I was surprised that the children took that long to notice that they had Christmas presents sitting there to be opened.

One evening they started begging to have Christmas....so we did.

They were beyond thrilled.

We read the Christmas story, quizzed the children on what the real meaning of Christmas is, and let them tear into their gifts.

Addie was thrilled with her sewing machine and wanted immediately to make herself a dress. There was only one problem. The foot pedal was missing and still is....so we had to order her a new sewing machine.

Sure, it's a little overkill for a pip-squeak like her, but she was beyond excited to have one like Mommy's. AND....if we can teach our children to treat it nicely, she should have a sewing machine for years to come. We shouldn't have to get her a new one because she outgrew it!!

Really, when I ordered it, I thought it was a little more little-girlish. I was shocked when I pulled it out of the box.

Will was pumped to receive a little tote of garage sale purchased legos. I was, too, as it meant that we didn't spend much on his gift.

Jack loved the tractor and wagon....though it had been opened by his big brother about a month earlier....

So that was our Christmas. In May. Honestly? I kind of liked it.

It seems that the month around Christmas is so extremely busy that the children (and adults, for that matter) forget what Christmas is really about. We start to think that Christmas amounts to the number of gifts that we receive, the number of hours spent with family, the mountains of food heaped on tables.

It's not about all that. It's about our Savior. It's about His birth. It's about everything but the gifts.

Try it sometime. I can't say that we'll ever do it again, the Christmas in May thing, but it was fun.

An unexpected day with gifts.

Steppin' Out Of My Box

Here goes.

One little toe at a time, I'm stepping out of my comfortable little box and joining a group of adoptive families to try to make a difference in the lives of children still living in baby homes and orphanages in Vladivostok, Russia.

The group is called Orphans at Play and they are working on a brand spankin' new website. I can hardly wait til it's up and running.

Actually, I can hardly wait til the whole thing is up and running. Not just the website. Everything.

Sabrina, the new mommy to a little fella from Vlad, and the author of a blog has been logging in some hours trying to get this off the ground.

The part that has me inching out of my box? I volunteered to oversee the Desitin Program. One particular baby home, which just happens to be the one that Will lived in for the first 21 months of his life, has requested a shipment of Desitin (or some off brand diaper rash ointment) every month. Not tons...just 10-20 tubes.

Once the tubes of ointment are received, I have to find a family who is travelling to Vlad and get the stuff to them to be packed in their suitcases.

This month though? We have some short notice. We are needing to get the ointment to a family who is leaving Sunday...as in this Sunday....Father's Day. This month, all who care to donate some cream need to get it shipped to Ashley by Friday.

If you are interested in helping us out on this, let me know. You can e-mail me at jjgarber03@yahoo.com.

There's tons more details on the whole Orphans At Play thing. Sabrina is getting it registered as a non-profit organization right now.

One of these days when we have some more details hammered out, I'll do a nice long post about it!!!

I'm sure you can't wait.

I'm excited. The next best thing to actually returning and bringing home more children from Vlad is to be actively caring for the orphans who are still there.

Life As It Was

I had an interesting comment on a post this week. Maybe you've all seen it, or maybe you don't read the comments.

It really doesn't matter.

It was left by an anonymous commenter and read something like this.

"....I really can't understand your feelings/insecurities about your children being around other people...."

Allow me to explain.

Nearly three years ago, I laughed at the phrase 'over-stimulation'. I didn't have a clue that that phrase was really real. I assumed that it was coined by folks who simply had some hyper children. Folks who just didn't know how to control their children....either in public or at home.

Boy was I wrong. Over-stimulation is real, folks.

We brought home our first two children in the summer of 2008. We were so excited. We loved them more than we ever had imagined we could love someone.

We expected them to love us just like that in return.

It didn't happen that way.

Will was easy. He claimed us as his parents pretty quickly. Actually, his adjustment was very similar to Jack's. The first couple days that we had him with us he was a little leery, but very calm and laid back. (What happened?!) He really didn't want my parents to do anything with him, and seemed to realize that Jason and I were his parents.

He trusted us to care for his every need.

Addie wasn't that way.

We picked her up from her baby home and she was terrified. She cried in the car on the way to our motel. She wanted next to nothing to do with us. For the first several weeks, she would scream, spit, and bite us for at least an hour each day. Sometimes the 'fits' would last 2 1/2 hours.

It was horrid.

We were at a loss. She didn't like us one little bit and trusted us to do nothing for her. She screamed for her favorite caregiver, Mama Yula (Julia).

Our in-country coordinator was the only one who was able to comfort her. Oksana was a life-saver for a few days, but it soon was aparent that Addie was seeing Oksana as her mommy.

We couldn't blame her. After all, these people that were claiming to be her parents couldn't even communicate with her. Sure, we knew some Russian, but we didn't know enough to understand all that she said to us. And our accent was such that even when we did try to speak Russian, she couldn't understand us.

It was so hard.

Thus began the parent shopping.

We came home in July. Our plan was to stick to our house like glue with no visitors whatsoever. It worked for the most part. However, my whole family was leaving for Colorado just 10 days after we got home and we really wanted to see them all before they left. We had them over for supper.

They all got to see a major meltdown and I learned that the phrase 'over-stimulation' is as real as it gets.

Til the end of our first month at home we felt like she was ready to venture out into the real world.

We still didn't do much in the line of social activities, but we did go to church and to town. She was able to go play with the other children whenever there was an opportunity.

It was four months after we brought our children home that the real trouble started. Or at least that was when we realized that we had a problem.

Thanksgiving Day, 2008. We went to Jason's parents for the day as we usually do. Our children met their cousins on that side of the family for the first time. Addie played nicely and appeared to be getting along very well.

The next day? Not such a good day. She started out the day with a 'scream fest' as we called it. For a couple hours solid she screamed, spit, bit, hit, kicked, scratched...you name it, she did it.

We did something that we didn't think we would ever do. We called a therapist to find out if this was normal behavior for an adopted child.

It was. For a child who had an attachment disorder.

Thus began the 12 week program. For twelve very long weeks Addie rode along with me in the Ergo whereever I went. Which consisted of our house.

For 12 long weeks, I only left the house on Sunday morning to go to church.

For 12 long weeks, my mom or Jason went to the grocery for me.

For 12 long weeks, my space was severely invaded.

For the first four weeks of the 12 long weeks, I had a little girl in front of me who despised what we were doing. Very few days went past where there were no new bruises on my body. Her favorite biting spot was my shoulder blade. My sides were riddled with little bruises inflicted from her tiny fingers. I kept a rag with me at all times to wipe the spit off my face.

I'll have to say, this adoption stuff wasn't all it was cracked up to be at that time.

But we got through it. And the end result was a beautiful little girl who clearly understood that we loved her. She clearly understood that for the first time in her life, these adults were going nowhere. For the first time in her life, she had a mommy and a daddy who were hers forever.

The parent shopping finally stopped. For those of you who have never seen a child parent-shop, allow me to explain. Anytime we would go to town, she would go up to any ole random stranger and want to go home with them. Anytime we were around certain folks, she would latch on like glue and would do her best to forget that she had parents. The first time she ever met our social worker, Erica, she marched over to her and plopped down on her lap as if she'd known Erica forever. When we would try to take her from whoever she had latched on to, a scream-fest, complete with all the trimmings, would ensue. It was a far from fun stage in our life.

Now? Addie has clearly learned that she has a family, and talks frequently about all the children in Russia that we need to adopt. :) She has a huge heart for the orphan. She's been there and she remembers how it felt to not belong to anyone.

There. That is why it likely appears that I have serious 'feelings/insecurities' about being around other people. We've had a child who couldn't handle being around other people. We've had a child who wanted nothing more than to head home with whoever appeared to be a more fun mom.

All this to say.....it's not just adopted children who have attachment disorders. Sad but true. If the primary caregiver doesn't take the time to really meet every single one of the child's needs at the critical times, the needed parent/child attachment just may not be there.

I am in no way a professional attachment diagnostic technician (how do ya like that title?!). We haven't had a child who was the worst on the attachment disorder scale. Not by far. The worst is a child who is so detatched from society in general that by four years old they have mastered killing animals with their bare hands and are plotting how to kill their primary caregiver...typically their mother.

It can be that bad. And it can develop from something as simple as what we dealt with.

Attachment disorders are nothing to mess around with.

If you are dealing with anything that remotely resembles an attachment issue, I would strongly encourage you to contact a professional. They have experience with it.

So there you have it. The whole story on why we appear to be such insecure parents. The whole reason as to why it's so good to see Jack coming to find us in the midst of his playtime. The whole reason that nobody else is allowed to meet any of his needs.

We prefer to be proactive. No matter what the general public thinks.

Thanks for listening.

:)

Is This Normal?

As much as I love being a mom, there are some things that nearly drive me crazy.

I never once dreamed that I'd write that sentence.

Never.

We spent five childless years before our little munchkins joined us to double the size of our family. Days were long. Days were boring. Days were relaxing. Days were quiet. We even spent many evenings one winter making a comforter for our bed. And that 'we' does include Jason. He manned the sewing machine.

No more.

Days ceased being quiet nearly three years ago, and now if they are quiet I go searching to find out what the munchkins are doing. Quiet is not really a good thing these days. That could mean that I'll find them climbing the tv tower that's right outside our back door, or disassembling the tricycle (which happened last week), or taking the valve stem caps off the tires of the car (which happened a few weeks ago), or ripping pages out of books (Jack only, thankfully), or sneaking cookies off the counter.

But here's my question. Are our children the only ones who believe it is their responsibility to single-handedly use up the word quota for the entire community in any 24 hour period? Seriously. The only time that they aren't talking is when their mean old mom issues a 'fifteen minute (or thirty, or forty-five..whatever suits her fancy at the time) of complete silence' declaration.

It really doesn't matter if they have anyone to talk to or not. They each have multiple 'friends' that they call on their pretend cell phones several times a day. I took their real pretend cell phones away some time ago in an effort to stop the constant chatter, but that didn't exactly work. They went to the barn and found perfectly sized pieces of wood that they now use as phones. Joke was on me.

It doesn't really matter if they're doing jobs, playing with toys, mad, happy, sad, grouchy, etc. They still talk.

I know. I'd think there was a problem if they didn't and I'd wish that they did.

I've been told many times that someday I'll be thankful that they talk so much...it's hard to hide anything when every single little thing spews forth. I tell myself that on a daily basis.

I'm not complaining. Not really. I'm just curious if incessant chatter is a common thing among toddlers/preschoolers/school aged. And at what age, if ever, will the talking at least be about logical things rather than about the elephant that they saw in the garden? Obviously, imaginations work overtime in our household.

Right now? It's quiet here except for Jack rocking his baby. Of course, that requires some singing and he doesn't exactly get the '15 minutes of no talking' declaration. Addie is washing her dishes for the day and Will is cleaning the sink..his 'indoor chore' job for the day.

And, yes. It's 11:09 on Monday morning and the 'no talking' declaration has already been issued.

Mean old mom anyway.

A First and A Last

Yesterday was a busy day. A day that I forgot to tote my camera on my shoulder...which is a fact that had me greatly disappointed.

We started out the morning as a normal Sunday morning. The children and Jason headed to the great outdoors to feed the multitudes of animals...a number that is increasing on a daily basis.

They returned to the house to eat some breakfast...which, on Sunday mornings, consists of opening a box of cold cereal. What a great invention.

We readied for church and wiggled and squirmed through the whole service in anticipation of what was to come. Well, the children wiggled and squirmed while Jason and I tried to keep them sitting relatively still.

A day with my extended family. My grandparents, their six children + spouses, the 24 grandchildren + spouses, and the 28 great-grandchildren. Whoa. Those are some big numbers...and they are ever increasing with four new babies due in the next several months!!

This was Jack's first time to 'meet' the whole family. Boy, was he excited. :)

He did super. We weren't sure how he would respond. He's been around big crowds quite a few times, but never around big crowds where everyone knew him and his story. He played just like all the other children and every 15 minutes or so I'd see his little blond head start bobbing in my general direction. Shortly, he'd be at my side with his arms up wanting to be held. What a wonderful sight that was!!

Not taken yesterday, but had to insert something to show just how cute he is!!

It's always a sign of a good attachment when our children seek us out just to say hi. When our children want to be held for just a bit while their friends are still playing. Many folks don't really think about that 'small' issue. Attachment. It's on our minds on a regular basis. It used to be that one of our children would completely forget about the minor fact that parents were now in her life. She never met a stranger. She would go up to any random stranger and beg to go home with them.

Not only was that a bad attachment sign, it was also a little hard on my heart. I am her mom. How dare she parent shop. Did she not know that we were her parents forever?

Well actually, no, she didn't. Having parents who will be parents forever is something that our children have to learn.

It's been so nice to see Jack get rather uncomfortable when anyone else tries to hold him. He'll go to several people...all in our immediate families...but he's far from comfortable with the situation. No smiles, no jumping around. He just sits in their arms and stares at them with a worried look on his face. After a minute or so he's diving for my arms.

We left Grandpa's about 5:30 and headed to meet our social worker, Erica, for our last post placment report for Addie and Will. The last one. I can hardly believe it.

Three years ago the post placement reports looked like a huge pain. And, yes, they are a nuisance. However, they really aren't too difficult. We meet with our social worker (whom we absolutely love), she asks us some questions.... "How are the children doing? What is their daily schedule? What new things are they doing since last year? When was their last doctor visit? What was it for? Any major health issues?"... we give her the required photos (which just got easier about two weeks ago...We did have to give 12 photos per child...action shots with the child looking at the camera, some full length, some head shots, some with family, some by self...and now they are requiring only six photos.), and we leave.

Addie and Will the first time they ever met each other...

...and nearly three years later.

Easy. Not anything major, but a pain.

The only thing that makes them a pain is the time frame that they must be completed in. The reports are due by the day that we had official custody of our children. The reports cannot be dated more than thirty days prior to that anniversary. The reports must be completed and to our agency two weeks prior to the due date that Russia gives us so they can get them notorized, certified, apostilled, and sent to Russia to be translated before it can be handed to the proper recipient.

But now we're done. With Addie's and Will's. We do Jack's first one next month. :) And only three more years before we can be done with his, too!!

As the pictures prove, much has changed since June 20, 2008. Much. SO much that we'll save all that for a whole nother post sometime in the next ew weeks.

New Life

Life here on the farm hasn't gotten any slower. In fact, it's busier than it's ever been.

We just keep making more work for ourselves.

Jason is finally in the field. Only six weeks or so later than they normally are planting, but I'm ever so thankful that they are able to get the seeds in the ground at all.

Last night Jack got to go on his first ever tractor ride. He loved it. The smiles never stopped...until he was informed that he wasn't allowed to drive.

This past weekend our sheep started lambing. Currently we're up to fourteen lambs with about 38 or so ewes yet to lamb. Six sets of twins and two singles so far. They're the cutest little things that you ever did see.

Last night there was a set of twins born....but the one was too weak to even stand up. The children and I brought the little fella to the house and now we are doing this....every 3-4 hours. Kinda like having a new baby.

Addie is thrilled.

About a month ago we received a box in the mail that was a highlight in our household. It contained 26 little chicks.

They are now growing rapidly and are nowhere near the cute stage anymore.

The kittens that we formed a search party for about a month ago are now big enough to bounce around the yard. Here before too long we should have four little kittens to be given away. Always sad for our children, but kittens become cats and we've enough cats around here.

Addie loves to be a 'shepherd' for her kittens...protecting them from the threat of the puppies who are mere inches away. Her words..."Hey Mom. I'm a shepherd just like that one man was in the Bible. No big aminal is going to get my kitties."

Yesterday before Jason headed for the field, he was kind enough to till our garden plot for me. The children and I spent much of the afternoon planting little seeds. I never knew what good helpers children could be even at 4 & 6 years old. Jack was napping, or I'm sure I'd have learned about the helpfulness of a 21 month old as well.

So there you have it. We've been busy. No time to do anything but care for the multiple species of animals on our little farm. Oh, and weed the flowerbeds, do the laundry, cook......