Long Time....Many Words

The time has come. It's time to catch up.

I could regale you with the happenings of the past month or two.

I'm sure it would be riveting and you would be perched on the edge of your seats totally enthralled with the next round of Christmas gathering pictures.

But I think I'll skip over all the nitty-gritty stuff and just start in where we're at right now.

Right this minute our house smells like Vicks, the sound of coughing can be heard at nearly every point in time, and the thermometer is a common sight on the table.

Jack welcomed the flu into our family Saturday, Ty got it early Sunday morning, Addie & Will started in Monday afternoon, Jason was Tuesday morning, and finally...I got it too, on Wednesday.

It's the kind of knock-down drag-out stuff that I'm sure you are all hoping that you cannot contract it simply by reading about it. High fevers, upset tummies, nasty coughs, and pounding headaches.

Word on the streets is that this stuff can last from 7-10 days. Yippee.

As long as I keep myself drugged up...as in Tylenol and Ibuprofen...the rest of my family has a nurse. If that stuff stops working, we're up a creek without a paddle.

Anyway.

That's the here and now.

As for why this blog has been so sorely neglected? We've been busy. Way more busy than is typical for around this house.

For quite a while, nearly a year to be exact, it has simply been easier to stay home from various functions due to our certain child's behaviors than it has been to go out and be sociable. Not that I really mind. I could easily be classified as a homebody, but I'll have to admit that being cut off from all friends and family for so long is starting to grate at me.

Hence the reason we made the decision to really enjoy our family Christmas gatherings this year. We get together with four families over the holiday season...three of them lasting from Friday night to Sunday night. The fourth is this coming Sunday and it remains to be seen if we are well enough to attend or not. Hoping we can.

Anyway. We went to three family Christmases. The first was the weekend before Thanksgiving. We skipped Friday evening and went on Saturday and Sunday. That's the weekend that my way-too-young brother had a heart attack...but he's doing just fine now so we won't discuss that at length.

The weekend went well. The children were on best behavior and put on a good behavior show for all the family. Those who deal with RAD know exactly what I mean by that statement. All was well until Monday morning hit. Then all went haywire.

Two weeks later, after both the older children were back on track and Jack was rewired after watching Will (his idol) spiraling backwards (whatever Will does, Jack does too), we had another weekend long Christmas. This time it was in Holmes County at my aunts house.

The weekend went fairly well. We pulled the children in for time-in's frequently, they responded well and we had high hopes that the coming weeks would be great!

Those high hopes were dashed quickly.

Those next two weeks were kind of like de-ja-vu. (How in the world do you spell that?) It took us back to the fall when Will was in the thick of his not appreciating us at all. AT ALL.

It was far from pleasant. I don't say that to complain, that is simply how it was. I was swiftly nearing my burn-out stage and was just ready to hole up for a while with nobody anywhere close. Hard to do when you have a husband and four young children. ;)

We made it through those two weeks with a chicken pox scare somewhere in the middle. Only Addie got it much to our surprise and her case was so minor that she was back at school the very next week. Sent home on a Thursday and back on Tuesday. Not too bad.

We also made it through those two weeks with Will not attending school at all....except for the last day before Christmas break. And no, that wasn't our call. We have the rule around here that if chores aren't finished before time to head to school, there is no school that day for that child. His chores? Swapping out the dog water...which should take about five minutes and those weeks was taking over an hour. We can't MAKE him do his chores properly. We can only reward for a job well done and give consequences for a job not well done. (Making our children do something does nothing for their trust level and love for us as their parents. All we can do is stay on our toes and be willing to follow through if the wrong choice happens to be made. Our goal is to re-wire their brains. Our goal is to teach them how to use the logic part of the brain rather than the survival part of the brain. Our goal is for them to think...If I don't do my chores, I don't get to go to school. Do I want to go to school and have fun? Or stay home and learn how to clean the bathroom...since Mommy says I don't need an education to be a janitor? Slowly but surely we're seeing the logic part kick in. Slowly but surely we're watching more good choices being made.)

Thankfully, (and this is a total God-thing) his teacher totally understands our situation as she has only adopted children herself and both of her children dealt with RAD. She was more than willing to send home his work every single day. It was super for him as he is learning that staying home from school does not mean that he loses that responsibility. It simply means that he has lots of make-up work to do.

And that is something that he really doesn't enjoy. I'll have to admit that I am likely the farthest thing from a patient teacher. In fact, he informed me after about four hours of non-stop school work that he sure was glad that I'm not his teacher all the time. I totally agreed with that statement and then asked him why? His answer, "Because my teachers are happy."

Oops.

Two weeks after our weekend in Holmes County was Christmas with my family. And, yes, even though we all live within 30 minutes of each other, we still get together from Friday night to Sunday night. Once again, the weekend went well...for the most part.

And once again, the after-the-weekend was a totally different story. In fact, ever since then really hasn't been the most fun.

Our days have been up and down. We're ever so thankful that our big plans are over, though we did enjoy them while they lasted.

The biggest problem with Will's set backs? Our other children. Addie is scared of him again cause she never knows what is going to set him off. Jack starts to act just like Will as Will is the big brother and he totally wants to be just like Will. And Ty got to the point when every time Will acted out Ty would start crying inconsolably.

It's really hard to know what to do. Please don't take me wrong. I love Will. He is my son in every sense of the word. We pray for him all the time. Addie included. Anytime she prays at a meal she always includes a prayer for Will to get strong. We love him so much...but it leaves us in a quandry. If he doesn't snap out of this funk soon we risk losing our other children...maybe not physically, but definitely mentally. All we can do right now is to keep our children safe. If Will starts in on a scream fest, he is immediately sent to his room. There's no point in our other children having to listen to that. Not only is it bet for the other three, it's best for Will. He gets some kind of satisfaction out of seeing the others scared.

At least in the thick of it, he does. Without fail, after a week or two of being stuck, he breaks. Totally of his own accord, he will break down in real tears. He'll tell us he's so sorry. He'll apologize and ask for forgiveness for his actions. And he'll become the loving happy little boy that we once knew.

At the point of his real tears, we know that his regret is real.

So what's his point?

Just checking to see if mom and dad (mainly mom) will still love him. She says she loves me. If I tear off this wall paper...will she still love me? Certainly, but there will be restitution for the destruction. If I rip the soles off my school shoes...will she still love me? Of course, but the next pair of shoes will be purchased with his own hard earned money. If I...... Yes, Will, I will love you no matter what you choose to do. ALWAYS.

We have high hopes that someday this will all be behind us. We have high hopes that Will is going to turn out to be a godly young man whose extreme energy and ambition will be used to spread the love of Jesus. He has such potential. He is truly a joy to be around....when he's not stuck.

When he is stuck? I send Jason to the store to search for the elusive sanity pills.

And honestly? This recent sickness that has invaded our home is a blessing in disguise. A very good disguise. It snapped him out of his funk and he has decided that mommy isn't so bad after all. When it comes right down to it, no matter how hard he tries to push mommy away, she's pretty nice to have around when the fever is raging at 104*. :)

And so we plug on. We have our fun times regardless of what it looks like on paper. We've made dozens of cookies & plate loads of candies, played games, put together puzzles, had a sledding party to enjoy our foot of snow, and just enjoyed being a family.

Our life really isn't as bad as it may sound. Really. While Will is stuck and trying to drag down the rest of the house, we are doing all we can to ensure that the happy times are stuck deep down in the hearts of our children. It's so very important for the other children to have a 'normal' life....as normal as it can be with a RAD child around. It's so very important that we have fun. It's so very important for our other three to see that life does not revolve around Will's choices...and it's also important that Will sees that our lives don't revolve around his choices.

2012 was a stressful year. RAD is stressful enough, but throw in a new baby and you've got enough stress to last a life time. Though, I'll have to say that God knew that HIS timing was best on the new baby end. More than once, I have told Jason that Ty has been my sanity keeper over the past six months. You simply cannot resist a sweet, innocent little bundle.

So there you have it. You're all caught up in the lives of our little family. The other five in the household are napping...one on the couch, one on the love seat, one on a floor bed, one on the recliner, and one in my lap. I know. I should be there too. But we don't have any other chairs to sleep in. ;)

Now. If we can just kick this sickness to the curb, we'll be ready to grab 2013 by the horns.

Praying for a wonderful year for you all....and us too!!

And, I guess I did a little of the nitty-gritty news after all.

Oops.