A Winding Road

Ever had the feeling that life is like a long, curvy, mountainous road?

You drive along. The road is good. You see a sharp curve sign ahead and think...oh, now surely it's not quite as sharp as the sign infers. Surely I can take this curve at 45 rather than 25.

There's a few little pot-holes here and there, but nothing that is deep enough to do any damage.

Then you head up a very long hill and you wonder if you will ever reach the top. You do. You let out a sigh of relief as the engine was running a little hard and you really don't want to take the car to the shop when there's so much life to live.

Your car tops the hill, you sail down the other side, trying to decide if an application of the brakes is necessary to control the speed. You opt to just use them occasionally as everyone knows that holding the brakes could result in no brakes at all.

Down the other side you zip, and then at the bottom is a sharp curve. Very sharp. It requires a slamming on the brakes and you look around wondering where you missed the 'sharp curve, slow down' sign.

Oh. It wasn't there. Warning signs are nice. Just so you know.

Perhaps that wasn't a very good description of our lives around here, but I think you get the point.

The past couple weeks have been anything but pleasant. Not just with Will, though that definitely has a large bearing on it.

On top of the issues we've been dealing with in our home for the last week and a half, my uncle is currently in the hospital awaiting confirmation of pancreatic cancer. It's been a rough week. We should find out definite results today sometime. If you are a praying person, could I add Uncle Mark and his family to your prayer list?

We didn't expect this curve in the road.

On top of Uncle Mark and the potential for some very sad news on him, Will has taken a turn for the worse again.

Another curve that we didn't anticipate. Oh, yes. We knew that a couple good weeks does not equate 'out of the woods', but we had high hopes and were nearly holding our breath in hopes that he was, for real, healing.

Yes. We see progress even in the raunchy curves and steep hills. We look back over the past two years (uh-huh, two years ago was when this all started....when Jack joined our family. Which reminds me, I failed to do a court date anniversary post on the 21st.) and see so much improvement just in the past couple months.

It's hard to remember that, though, when in the thick of not so fun climbs.

Just a short six months ago, he banged a hole in my kitchen wall with his head when he got upset at having to do something that I asked him to do. A short six months ago, he was screaming and banging on the door to his bedroom for hours every night. A short six months ago the door jam trim snapped off due to excessive banging. A short six months ago we had not one good day for well over a month's span.

Currently he's not being quite as destructive, he's not holding scream fests every night before climbing into bed, he's not knocking any trim off the door jams, he's not acting as if he despises us, he's not nearly as sick as he once was.

He's simply not 'being strong'...which is defined as respectful, responsible, and fun to be around.

His 'fun to be around' and our 'fun to be around' apparently mean two different things. :) He seems to believe that as long as he's happy and laughing it doesn't matter if he is respectful or responsible. We seem to think that being happy and laughing doesn't mean that he no longer has to obey.

See? We don't agree.

It's sad. So sad. And frustrating and overwhelming and maddening and ......

But it is sad. His little six year old mind processes a lot of stuff. Stuff that no six year old should have to process. Do my parents REALLY love me? Do they REALLY want me in their family? Do they REALLY want what's best for me? Do they REALLY....?

We do. REALLY.

And so we continue down our long, winding, mountainous road. Every few days we have a slight downward slope where it's all smooth sailing. Then there's a little sign warning us of a slight curve. Then it's back up the hill for a couple days. Then we have another downhill slope. Another sharp curve. Another downhill slope. Another curve, another steep hill.

We're ready for the down hill slope stuff to return. We're ready for this chapter of our family's book to be one that we look back on and talk about...but are no longer living. We're ready to be a 'normal' family.

And yet we are living the life that God has given us. It's not the cookie cutter American dream. But it is our life. And we do love it.

Well, minus the drama, of course. :) We love being a little family of six. We love the happy days.

And what we really love? We love the fact that there is hope. We see great potential in Will. As much stubbornness as there is present in his little life, there is great potential if he can channel it in the right direction. Towards Jesus. He has come from his birth country for a reason. Perhaps it was to refine us. Perhaps it was to give us empathy towards others with difficult children.

But I believe the real reason is that God has a plan...a great plan...for this little boy. A plan that could not be lived out in the land of his birth.

How humbling to be given the honor to be his parents. What a huge job it is to direct little souls toward the one who created us all.