Three Weeks

Changing the subject a little from the last few posts.

In just three short weeks, give or take a week or two, we should be able to meet the newest addition to our family.

I still can't believe it. :)

You would think that after knowing there's a baby on the way for nine months, after watching my tummy grow and grow and grow, after feeling the kicking and rolling, after not being able to see my toes for a couple months now, after struggling with getting out of bed every morning (not cause I'm tired, but cause I simply struggle with rolling over and sitting up), after waddling my way through my days.....

You would think that I would believe it by now, doncha think?!

I know.

I'm so thankful for such a smooth pregnancy. I'm so thankful that after the initial 18 weeks, the weeks that I didn't feel quite up to snuff, I have actually enjoyed the pregnancy.

Yep. I'm one of those. A weird one who truly hasn't minded being pregnant. Sure, I don't like the fact it's such a struggle to roll over in bed. I don't like the fact that I huff and puff just going up and down the steps.

But I have enjoyed it all otherwise.

I feel great. I feel like there is no possible way that we're only a few weeks from meeting this little shaver. I feel like I would rather be pregnant forever rather than have to go through the end of this pregnancy. :) I'm told that's not an option.

And I think my family would prefer we get to the end of this. A couple of them just want to have a baby to love on, one of them wants to have a lap back that is big enough to sit on without constantly sliding off, and the other wants to have a non-waddling wife back. :)

But what really has me concerned about this baby? What really makes me a little nervous and makes me want to hold off as long as possible rather than 'going early'?

I'm a tad worried about how our 'getting stronger' children are going to really respond to this new baby.

Addie is so completely thrilled with the fact that she will have a brand new baby to tote around. We've been gently reminding her that she won't be toting this baby anywhere..that she is just the big sister, not the mommy....but she still talks about needing to get some diapers so she can take care of the baby when mommy is sleeping. Guess we have our night nurse lined up!

Will is the one who really does concern me. I'm not the least bit worried about him hurting the new little one. I'm concerned that a new baby will make him feel, once again, like he's lost his mommy. Like his mommy has once again transferred her love to someone else. I'm concerned that he'll continue getting strong just in time to be bowled over by a newcomer in the family and we'll be back to square one. And that simply makes me tired.

Jack is going to struggle. He is the baby of the family. He LOVES sitting and rocking. He stresses out if mommy holds anyone else's baby...last time he saw me holding one of the twins, he wouldn't leave my side even to go with his daddy to get some food. That's serious. Not too much keeps him from eating. I don't think his issues will be anything different that any 'normal' child's adjustments are.

We asked while in Colorado how the foresee this new arrival affecting our children. They didn't know what to tell us other than to say that their biggest concern is that the baby will become the focal point and the other three will be lost in the dust. They said that is the worst thing that can possible happen. While 'normal' children can logically think through the fact that there is a new baby and new babies get lots of attention, children who have been rejected and abandoned will always deal with those feelings.

Bringing in a new baby could send our children into tailspins. If someone shows up and passes up the older three children on the race to the crib to see the new baby (though the new baby likely won't be in the crib but in a 'pouch' :) ), it could easily send our children the message that they are no longer an important part of our family. It could make them angry with this new little shaver who just came in and took over. It could make them resent him/her simply because he/she gets all the attention.

While I know how easy it is to ignore the older children when there's a new baby around, we were informed by Miss Nancy and Mr. James that it is imperative that we get the word out that the older children must still be acknowledged. It was a good reminder for me. While babies are miracles and we all love to meet them for the first time....that doesn't make the older children any less of a miracle.

Honestly? Back to this baby thing? I'm nervous about it all for myself. In the past eight years I can't say that I've spent much time holding babies. In fact, I guess you could say that I would deliberately steer clear of them. I used to love babies. I would go see new babies whenever I could.

When dealing with the infertility issues, I started to back off. It was too painful. It was too hard to have to swallow and blink because of the jealousy. While I was happy for the folks who had the new baby, it was sad to know that we would likely never have one of them in our home.

We drowned ourselves in the world of adoption. We decided that not having babies was just fine with us...bringing home already potty trained children isn't all bad. :)

And so, here we are. We've got baby stuff sitting around. An infant seat, a changing table, stacks of diapers, a bumbo, a stroller, etc. All that stuff that we never dreamed that we would have sitting around our house.

But God knew what was going to happen. Even way back when I started ignoring babies, He knew that I should have been paying a little more attention. He knew that someday I would have to know a little more about caring for babies than what I currently do.

Guess I'll just have to trust that He will give us the knowledge needed when the time comes. :) Just as He has for our older three children.

As far as a 'large' picture? I haven't snapped one of the traditional side view pics. Not yet. I still have a few weeks. We did take a family photo while in Colorado. We didn't match or even blend. We didn't pose in some fancy way. It was far from planned....but everyone happened to be happy at that point. Everyone was smiling. Everyone was oblivious to what the coming weeks were going to be like. :)

As far as how it's been going around here? Depends on the day. Or make that the minute. Addie has improved. She told me a few days ago that she discovered that it really doesn't work to scream and holler cause it just takes longer to get to have fun. Good discovery, little lady.

Will is still in high survival gear many days. He had one day that he never had to go to his bedroom at all and was so very proud of himself. Yesterday he spent quite a while rearranging his bedroom in the morning..and then I got to leave for the afternoon. Mom came for the whole afternoon and I went to town. Didn't need much at all but somehow I managed to spend four hours there. :) Word was when I returned that Will did super the whole time. I think he has something against me. :)

Yesterday morning if I walked too close to him I got kicked, hit, or spit on. Fun. Reminded me of the weeks of carrying Addie. However, when he does that, he has to come up with something to do that is nice for me. He chose giving me a foot massage for the spitting, giving a back rub for the kicking, and combing my hair for the hitting.

We tried to do it last night before he went to bed so it would be over and done, but he refused....so this morning I've gotten the works. The whole time I've been typing he's been giving me a backrub, before that he gave me a lovely foot rub...and oh my, you should see my hairdo for the day. :)

Honestly, I think this restitution thing is the MOST powerful of all the things we learned out there. It only makes sense that if you hurt someone you should have to do something nice for them.

But, yes, I severely digressed there. Perhaps that's my sign that I should go.

Today it's just me and the boys. Jason and Addie went to the Ohio Sheep Day for the day and the boys and I are going to have a lovely day getting strong!!!

So far, so good.