Real Life

We had a huge weekend. It was our fellowship's communion weekend which means that we had church for roughly seven hours Saturday and two hours Sunday. They did super in church! I have to admit that that much sitting is tough for me....and I'm always amazed that children can sit for that long without going completely crazy.

Til Sunday afternoon though, it was time to be home. Time to return to just our little family of five. Time to relax. Time to nap. Time to run and play.

I used to laugh at people who said their children got 'over-stimulated'. Seriously? Over-stimulated? What a cop-out.

No laughing any more. Not even a chuckle. Or a grin.

We have a child (or maybe three of them) who fits the 'over-stimulation' term to a T. She does great until we have an abundance of social time....or 'plans' as she says.

A weekend like we had this weekend nearly does her in. She loses all track of who she is and how she's supposed to act. To the point of walking up to a little girl and pushing her down for aparently no reason whatsoever.

It's hard for me as her parent to watch. It's tough to know that there's junk inside her that she simply can't talk about. It's difficult to know that the three years before she came to live at our house were far more difficult than any of my 29 years have ever been.

But the hardest thing of all is knowing how to deal with it. We don't do 'time-outs' with our children. It simply re-inforces what they already believe about themselves..."I am too bad to be included in this family. They shove me off by myself cause they can't handle me...just like my first family couldn't handle me."

It breaks my heart.

How sad is it to know that our children (meaning many adopted children and some biological) can truly believe that?

We do lots of time-ins around here. Rather than sending them to their rooms for a while, we hold them....or we sit them on a chair right beside us....or they just join us in whatever we are doing.

Raising children looks a lot different to me now than it used to. :)

It always seemed so cut and dried. Ha ha. And then we had children.

And our children came as walking, talking little people. Little people who had endured more hurt than any person should. Little people who take a different kind of parenting. Little people whom we had to teach how to love and how to become a part of a family. Little people who have a past...on top of all 'normal' child issues.

It hits us more and more just how huge of a responsiblity we have. Not only do we need to help them walk through past hurts, but we also need to help them deal with the 'normal' stuff.

Whew.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. God has blessed us with adoption for a reason.

On rough days like yesterday we tend to let Satan work with our minds...God didn't allow us biological children cause he knew we couldn't handle being parents.

So not true.

God didn't allow us biological children because He knew that we needed the blessing of adoption. He, for some odd reason, knew that we needed the challenge of raising children with a past.

It's hard. Just as all parenting is.

For instance, did you know that if a child is on too many antiobiotics for too long (Addie was on quite a few antibiotics for ear infections and Will was on four different ones in six months time to try to take care of a boil..and they didn't work), it can kill all good bacteria in the intestines, which in turn causes digestion issues, which causes a lack of saratonin, which causes a sad supply of melatonin, which causes a lack of sleep because the melatonin isn't present, which causes depression and horrid behavior? I didn't either.

Until Friday, when we talked with the therapist. Another thing that I never dreamed we would be doing. Talking to a therapist to find out how to best help our children.

So now, on top of all the other strange ideas we have, we're adding in 30 minutes of massage per day with our children...which equates one and a half hours. :) Good thing we don't have twelve children. :) That should help with the depression.

We're waiting on a mother starter so we can make kefir to build up the good bacteria in the intestines. We're shoveling them full of fish oil. We're having glasses of warm milk before going to bed....brushing our teeth afterwards, of course, so as to not promote cavities.

And we're praying. Mightily. Praying that our behavior issues of the past year can be toned down if we can just get the balance in the gut better and they can begin to get the amount of sleep that children need to function.

We wonder why God has called us to walk this path. We struggle with being the parents that our children so desperately need. We cry and we pray and we rest up for the next day.

And yet, when it comes right down to it, we know why God has called us to this path. We know that if we had had biological children, if we would have just sailed through life dealing with 'normal' family building methods, we maybe wouldn't have been tested as we have been. We maybe wouldn't have had the opportunity to learn to trust God as completely as we're learning that now.

We likely could have used the parenting styles that we thought we would. We likely could have sailed through life with well adjusted, well- socialized children. (Is well-socialized a word?!)

Some days I struggle with not being a 'normal' family.

But in the end, I know that God called us here for a purpose. God knew from the beginning that we wouldn't build our family through 'normal' methods. God has a plan.

And I must trust that HE knows what is best for us. 'Normal' or not.

:)