We have three children (didja know that?!), all adopted, all with sleep issues.
It's not fun.
Well. Perhaps I should clarify on that statment. The children are fun. Most of the time. The adoption part is fun, once you have them home. The sleep issues are NOT FUN.
Is it only our family that deals with this? Is it only our children who don't sleep? At least not for very long snatches at a time?
Allow me to explain. Way back in 2008 when we brought home Addie and Will, neither of them enjoyed going to sleep. We would sit by their beds for hours, literally, waiting on them to drift off. If we left, they screamed. Bedtime came at 8:00 and on a good night both would be snoring about 11:00.
Will did better than Addie, but was still able to keep himself awake for a couple hours before he would finally drift off.
Addie finally slept in our bed with us for about six months and that did help her sleep issues....but I'll have to admit that it did nothing for my sleep. :)
Three years later and we still don't sleep well. The children that is. Some nights they'll go to sleep in three minutes flat. No, I don't sit by their beds to find that out, but all noise ceases about then. Some nights they'll be awake for two hours before finally drifting off.
It's not that they get too much sleep otherwise. The only napper in our house these days is Jack...and his naps last a maximum of 1 hour. One per day.
Addie will generally sleep decently unless there is something bothering her...which here lately is every night. She's still a little scared to go to sleep cause that elephant might get her. ?!
Will is hit and miss. Last night he actually went to sleep fairly quickly and as far as I know he slept all night. At least if he got up during the night he hit his feet on the floor quietly. It's not the least bit uncommon for him to stay awake until nearly 11:00. If he does happen to drift off before 11:00, it's not unusual to hear his feet hit the floor about 2:00AM...and then to hear the lego drawers opening. Seriously. His room is pitch black. Not even a nightlight. Why would you have a desire to play with legos in the dark? If he's not out of bed playing with legos, it's not too long til we hear talking (to himself) or the picture above his bed hitting the floor because he laid on his back and started tapping the picture with his feet or the bed squeaking around cause he's jumping on the bed, or .......
Jack slept well for a while. Kind of. Here lately sleep is over-rated, aparently. He'll typically go to sleep within minutes of his head hitting the pillow (about 8:00) but will proceed to wake up crying 6-8 times nearly every night. And he won't be quiet til I touch him. Sure, that sounds cute and all, but at 2:00 and 3:15 and 4:14 and 5:34 and 6:12 it really isn't overly adorable. He hasn't slept with us for over a month, but is still sleeping in our bedroom. Several nights last week he actually crawled out of his bed and into ours....where he snuggled right in and started snoring. Makes me wonder if he shouldn't be back in our bed, but really? It's not something that I enjoy...sharing my bed with a toddler.
So tell me. Is it just our family? Is it something that we are doing that is causing the no sleep epedemic? Is it a normal child thing to not sleep?
What do you do for sleeping problems? Is there a quick fix or is it something that will eventually take care of itself?
Before we're advised to get a bedtime routine in place, we have one. Supper (that'd be dinner to all you who aren't country bumpkins) is at 6:00. Most evenings all three children have been showered and readied for bed before 6:00 rolls around. After supper, they sit on the couch and read books quietly until the adults of the house are ready to have devotions. Many evenings I'll read them a couple stories before we tuck them in. It's quiet around here in the evenings. They are typically drowsy and seem more than ready to hit the pillow. Until they actually hit the pillow.
Something about their pillows maybe?!
I wouldn't be too concerned about it if it weren't for the actions that go along with not quite enough sleep. Addie tends to get out of control hyper. Will cries over every little thing. Jack grouches and whines.
And so go our weeks. :) Two good sleeps and three no-sleep-at-alls.
Any advice? Any ideas? Any experience with this? Any thoughts even with no experience?
We're open. And ready to have three children who sleep. :)
16 comments:
I don't have any suggestions but we have some sleep issues too - we have one that will cry out until we come touch her - generally just one or two times a night - I can deal with that - it's the other one that causes trouble! Isaac will (more often that not) be up one, two, three or more hours a night. Fortunately he doesn't get out of bed but he sings and claps and talks and giggles and kicks the wall..... it doesn't bother anybody but me as everybody else sleeps through it so I invested in a pair of earplugs that tune him out but still allow me to hear the one that cries out - I have no idea what to do about either one... or yours! sorry! not much help but you're not alone!!
Shana
I wish I had some answers. Our Morgan (5yrs old) has sleep issues too. When she was a baby, she started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks! I thought that was success. Until she turned 1 or so. Then she started struggling to go to sleep. Waking up at night. Multiple times a night. With her it seems to go in cycles. There are MANY nights I am so exhausted I don't feel or hear her come climb in bed with us! The past couple months we put a lava light (yes, old-fashion I know! It was my sisters!) in her room and leave it on as a night light. We also put a cd player with scripture memory songs or sunday school songs playing quietly. IF we forget to put it on continuous play, she wakes up when it stops. So sorry you have to deal with this too. It is exhausting. Malinda Baker
No great wisdom here. Our almost 13 year old has sleep issues. Not that she usually bothers me anymore but she can't sleep at night till midnight or later and then she wants to sleep till 10, 11 or 12 in the morning. Not so good for the school work getting done in a timely manner.
I know part of it is just a teenage thing - hormones have them all messed up! Poor thing, she has years ahead of her. I'm thinking a trip to the chiropractor might help her. You might see what a good chiropractor has to say about your little munchkins??
Hope it soon goes better, lack of sleep is a real trial- i know. been there done that. no quick fix for you, we pretty much tried everything with our youngest two. nothing really worked, it just finally got better when the littlest was around 4-5.
Hi J:)..
this is all relative, because our littles don't have adoption issues!But A. was exactly 1 yr. before she quit waking up every 3 hrs. {we tried everything!} & T. was a little better {he just screamed for 9 months solid:)- then started sleeping thru the night!} anyhow my pediatrician recommended "Healthy Sleep Habits for a Happy Child". & it was really helpful!Maybe you could glean something from it...He does say that the first few yrs. really do form sleep habits that children carry into adulthood! Good Luck:)
No real advice here sorry. First of all hugs. Lack of sleep makes for an unhappy mommy (here at least). My children usually fall asleep ok, but end up somewhere else by morning. I have read some on giving children melatonin supplements to help with sleep and have considered for Laban, my very hipper monkey, but have not tried it. It might be something worth looking into. Also saline sprays have helped kids who sleepwalk (need to buy this!!!) as it can be caused by nasal issues. Melatonin can even be purchased at dollar general. GOOOD LUCK! DANYAL
Hi Jody, this may very well not be a popular answer, but we have a couple of our non-sleepers on melatonin (chewable, Source Naturals brand 1mg) each evening about an hour or so before bedtime. We sometimes skip if they really seem tired but it REALLY helps get them regulated and it's totally natural and non-habit forming. We did talk to our Dr. about this and he was totally ok with it, even wrote a perscription so we have documented proof. One of our littles is awake for at least 2 hours after going to bed if not, also up multiple times in the night... It's definitely helped us, but you may want to run it by a Dr. just in case!
Anna
So I am in Anna's camp. Melatonin is all natural -- it's not a drug. It was recommended to me by my doctor when I asked about suggestions for the intense time change between Vlad and home. I have some other friends who give it to their children as well to help with sleep issues - specifically, a friend has an older adoptive daughter from Bulgaria who NEVER slept through the night before trying melatonin. She was having issues during day - crabbiness etc. No more waking up at night, no more daytime issues.
Tatiana had to cry herself to sleep when she first came home and then we went through a phase of her taking an hour to fall asleep at night. Now school seems to tucker her out - she's ready for bed each night, but I still use Melatonin as it also helps with her not waking in the night. She used to wake up once or twice and whimper in her sleep - almost like what you hear about night terrors but not nearly intense.
Good luck!!
Do you have room in your bedroom for a king size bed? :) ~Brenda Hess
I shall consider myself very lucky. Our adopted son (currently age 28months) sleeps between 10-12 hours a night and 1-2 hours during the day.
We keep an evening schedule. Dinner around 6pm. Walk/run around the neighborhood for 30-40 minutes, to maximize sleepiness. Then shower, brush teeth, and read a story.
On days he hasn't had as much activity he takes longer to fall asleep and passes time chatting with himself. He does not have a night light or toys in his room, just books and a few stuffed animals.
Hope something works out for your family. Sleep is good!!
I like the other suggestions you've gotten. You could also try a sleep machine with the soft noise. We use a fan in our house just to make a continuous noise. I'll pray for you. It makes me irritated to be woke up in the middle of the night.
Monica
All this sounds so familiar:)We have had lots of issues with Mia and not as many "yet" with the other two. 7:30 we put on jammies, take our vitamins-Mia gets a dropper full of melatonin and so do the littles- devotions, songs and bed. Every night, no matter how late we get home:) Mia has slept in many other places besides her bed. We finally decided as long as she sleeps, oh well. Routine and melatonin have helped the most. We have recently had to take away fun things due to the fact that she just sits up there and talks till the cows come home and keeps the other two awake. We have had success for a few nights:) I think its just finding what works and for the child and a dose of melatonin:) Oh, Mia does have a sleep machine and she listened to classical music all night the first year she was home. Praying God will give you special wisdom for your children!
Maybe they have rested to long before bed & got a "second wind". Could you do baths after supper?
Whoops! This is Brenda :)
Don't have any suggestions, just wanted to commiserate.
My almost-5 year old has had trouble going to sleep since he came home at 16 months old. We rocked him to sleep (per all the adoption attachment books!), and it took at least an hour each night. We weaned off that after a year, and ended up having to baby gate him in. He destroyed his room. Then figured out the gate. Now we sit with him until he's asleep. Luckily, since he can't nap because of school, he falls asleep most nights in about 20 minutes. However, halfway thru the night (if not before) he finds his way into our room. We've given up moving him, and instead my husband moves to his bed. And my son wakes up well before dawn most mornings, regardless of whether he's in bed at 6pm or 9pm.
I know, I know--the obvious solution was no naps. But he was/still is an absolute monster with no nap. And he's boycotted naps quite frequently since age 2, anyway. (Check May 2009 if you've gotten into my blog.)
I've always been tempted to try melatonin....
The twins are still in cribs. I dread the day they move to beds.
BTW, I don't think it's just an adoption issue. I happened to recently talk about this with two friends with bio 2 year olds. Both resorted to child-proof door knob covers. One of the children figured it out, so they turned around the actual doorknob and lock it from outside (which I've read suggested in a sleep book, somewhere, can't remember which one). Their daughter just calls them when she needs to come out.
I think there's lucky parents who just think "Have a routine. When it's bedtime, it's bedtime. Lights out. They go to sleep." (Someone actually told me this recently.) And then most everyone else, who have sleep problems and don't talk about it.
25 years ago I was about to lose my sanity over sleep deprivation. I read the book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr. Richard Ferber. It saved my life.
I realize this is an old book :) but it might be worth looking at. It is more of a resource book, not a cover-to-cover read. Deals with all kinds of issues and I certainly can't endorse it ALL because I can't even remember it all. I do know that the part I used (teaching a child to go to sleep on his own and go back to sleep on his own thru the light sleep cycles of the night) was a miracle for me.
If nothing else it should help you understand sleep issues and WHY your child is waking or not sleeping.
I hope you find answers!
Sherri B
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