It all started when we received a request from Addie's birth family to stay in contact. We'd love to. But how do you correspond with folks who only speak Russian when you only speak English? Still working on that one.
We so want to honor that request. Six years ago when we started the adoption process we went overseas for several reasons. One of those reasons was that we wouldn't have to worry about the birth parents.
How untrue. It only took us a few months of having Addie and Will in our home to realize just how much we wanted to connect with their birth families. After all, these are their children, too.
Their birth families have always weighed heavy on my heart. I cannot imagine the feeling of loss that they must have. I now want nothing more than to send them pictures of their children as they grow. To let them know that their children are happy. To let them know that their children love them and pray for them pretty much every day.
And that brings me to eternity. How I would love to touch their lives in a way that would point them to Jesus. How do we do that with the language barrier? How I would love to be able to sit down with them to explain to them the way of salvation. To tell them about what Jesus did for us by dying on the cross. We can pray....and we do....but still they weigh heavy on my heart. I want them to meet up with their children in heaven and there's only one way that will happen. If they know and love Jesus.
Eternity was brought in a little closer home last Saturday morning when my grandpa passed away. He was 87 years old and had been sick for years, but it is still sad to think that we'll never again see him snitching cookies off the snack table at Christmas. We'll never again see him snickering to himself that he got away with it without his children seeing him. (He was diabetic and the absolute last thing he needed to eat was cookies.)
I wasn't even sure that our children would remember who Grandpa was. We only saw him a few times a year as he lived several hours away from us, but Addie knew him right away. She remembered watching him get his shots (insulin) and she remembered his whiskers.
Why is he cold?
Why isn't there any blood any more?
Why are his eyes closed?
Why won't we ever see him here (on earth) again?
Why are you saying he's in heaven when he's lying right here?
Why are those people crying?
Why are they sad if he's living with Jesus now?
Where is that box (casket) going to go?
What do you mean we're going to bury him in the ground?
Won't his glasses get dirty?...at which point little brother pipes up and explains that they shut the lid on the basket so the glasses won't get dirty. :)
Why? Why? Why?
The night we came home after the funeral she wouldn't go to sleep. After a little while and a few chats we brought her downstairs to try to get some thoughts out of her. Turns out she was a little scared to go to sleep as she had found out that Grandpa had died in his sleep.
Plus. All she could see when she closed her eyes was Grandpa being lowered into the grave. And the discussion ensued.
She was full of questions about death and heaven. It took all we had to answer her questions. How do you explain death and eternity to a six year old?
Will it rain there?
Will there be flowers there?
If it won't rain, how will there be flowers? You told me that we have to have rain to make the flowers grow.
Will I be sad there?
Will I ever feel guilty or nervous?
Will it ever be dark?
Will I ever be scared? (Currently, she has herself convinced that there's an elephant in her bedroom who will wrap it's nose around her and take her away...hence the reason for the dark and scared questions.)
Would I get to play all the time?
Would my mansion be huge?
Would I have to clean my house?
Would I have to see Satan? He's so gross and I don't want to see him.
And on and on and on.
The next morning the questions continued. We were driving through Greenville to get her glasses fixed...her dear littlest brother got his hands on them and bent the temple straight out...when out of the blue she blurted out...
"Will there be any bike wrecks?"
Me...."Huh? What are you talking about?"
Her..."In heaven, Mom. Would there be any bike wrecks?"
Me...."I'm sure there won't be any bike wrecks in heaven."
Her..."Sweet."
And so our days continue. She's befuddled yet learning that there is life after death. We're being stretched as she asks her questions and we are the ones expected to answer.
Yesterday the other shoe dropped. We've been talking about death and heaven for several days. Everything we've told her is true.
But we received a phone call that made us sit up and think a little more. A man in our church, 50 years old, was tragically killed while at work yesterday afternoon.
It's a little easier to explain to a child why an 87 year old man would die. He's old. God didn't make our bodies to last forever. He was sick. Etc., etc., etc.
But 50 years old? A husband, a dad to five (four still at home), a grandpa to two sweet little boys? How do you explain that? I don't even understand. I can say all the right things...Jesus was ready for Jerry to come home to heaven, it was his time to go...but it makes not one speck of sense to me, so how can it make any sense to our children?
And now Addie is concerned about more than dying in her sleep or elephants taking her away.
Now she's a little concerned about HER daddy dying.
My heart is aching for the wife and children of Jerry. We know that he is now in Heaven, singing with the angels, worshiping Jesus, dancing along the pure gold streets...thoroughly enjoying every moment and so thankful that he lived his life for Jesus. But his family is still here. They have to now face their days without a husband and daddy around. They have to pick themselves up and move forward into the future. They have to deal with death in a way that I have never had to do.
Please pray for them. Please. The next few days will be far from easy...but really? I wonder if the days and months to come will be when it's really the hardest. When the people all go home and it's just them again. When they have to create a new normal.
Death isn't easy, but unfortunately it's a part of living here on earth. How very thankful I am this morning to know that Jesus died for us all. That Jesus provided a way that we don't have to experience death in Heaven.
It's a comfort to me to picture Jerry sitting at the feet of Jesus.
If you don't know Jesus, would you look for Him? Pick up a Bible and start reading. Start attending a Bible believing church. Find a friend who loves Jesus and ask questions.
As we have learned here in the last few days (again), we aren't going to be here forever. Someday we will die. Someday we will either go to heaven or hell. There is no middle ground.
Which brings me back to our children's birth families. My heart is still heavy, but all I can do at this point is pray. And trust that God will bring a Believer into their lives who would point them to Jesus...the only One who makes life worth living.
Blessings to you all~
