I could talk all day about all that we’ve been up to in the past two months, but today I have a more specific point. Today we are celebrating the five year mark of Addie and Will becoming part of our family. (We actually got to pick up Addie and take her back to our motel with us. Will had to stay in the baby home another ten days.)

Today we celebrate the loss of two orphan statuses and the joy of two children gaining a forever family.

Today we celebrate the victories that God has given our little family over the past five years.

Today we rejoice in the fact that the God we serve does not leave us hopeless.

Today we sing HIS praise for all that He has brought us through….and we trust Him to continue to carry us along.

Today we know that while the past five years have been a bed of thorns with roses sprinkled in, we can rest in the fact that He and He alone is the One who directs our footsteps. He has carried us through our bed of thorns and given us a bouquet of roses.

I make it sound bad. It’s not been all bad. For sure. Sometimes the bad overshadows the good and we fail to remember the good.

One thing I know for sure. God did not call us to adopt because He thought we could handle it. God called us to adopt because He desired to have us draw closer to Him.

Total truth.

I always thought I was a fairly patient person…instead I found that my buttons were many and far too easy to push.

I thought I would be one of those fun moms who always had boatloads of fun with her children…instead I found that I was a very boring, and sometimes even resentful (to be explained later), mom.

I always thought that we would have fun mealtimes…instead I find myself harping nearly non-stop….chew with your mouth closed, elbows off the table, keep your hands to yourself, etc.
And the list could go on and on and on.

When we brought Addie and Will into our family that summer so long ago, things went fairly well for approximately one day.  The first day was fun!! Then came the second night.
We quickly realized that we were in way over our heads. We had us a little girl who had never been rocked and thus rocked herself violently to get to sleep. We had a little girl who would scream for two-three hours straight. No problem. We had a little girl who was terrified of us and wanted only those who spoke the language she knew. We had a little girl who would bite her hand/arm until blood flowed when she got upset. We had a little girl who had learned at a very young age that she had to take care of herself if she was going to survive…and thus was very much against any parental wishes.

We had read all the books. We had attended the required classes. WE WERE READY.

Until real life hit, that is.


It became real apparent, real fast that we were NOT prepared to be parents to children who had more trauma in their short lives than I have had in my 31 years of living.

The truth of the matter is…parenting is hard. Really hard.

But parenting hurt children is a whole ‘nother ball park.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for adoption. I love it. I love my children. I love that so many families have a heart for the orphan…whether in the states or overseas.

I love the picture it is of us being adopted by Jesus into His family. And I’m confident that Jesus looks at me the same way I look at my children at times….When will she catch on that I love her? When will she learn that she can completely trust Me? When will she ever just rest and allow Me to be the parent?

Perhaps you’re not like me, but I can totally hear Jesus saying that about me.

And I could totally say every one of those about my children.

They come from tough places. Abandoned, neglected, abused, starved, cold, scared, angry.

Each of them has their own story, but each of them also has these sad common denominators.

And the sad fact is….every orphan around the world likely shares a majority of these.

If you’re in the process of adopting or would like to adopt someday…I encourage you to go for it! But keep in mind…all those horror stories that you read about in the adoption training?

They are real. They could happen to you.

Expect scream fests to happen. Perhaps daily or more often.

Expect eating issues. Huge bites. Choking on a regular basis. No chewing. Wanting to eat everything in sight for months…sometimes even years.

Expect nightmares. And self rocking. And not wanting to go to sleep for hours. All three of ours have always had horrible sleep habits. Especially Will. Sometimes he’ll sleep only a few hours at night. (He is doing so much better, PRAISE THE LORD!!! That’s gonna have to be a whole ‘nother blog post.)

Expect them to not really like you for a while. Definitely not love you. There may be some who adjust quickly and are perfectly fine…but expect it to be a very long, hard process. These children have had every single thing ripped away from them that they have ever loved. What’s to say they won’t lose you, too?

Expect them to not ‘fit in’ with their peers for a while. We had to teach ours how to play with toys. Literally. At 3 ½ years old, Addie had no idea how to ‘go play’.

Expect some hard things…and maybe, just maybe, you’ll be blessed with a child who adjusts quickly. In that case, Praise God!!

If, however, you are blessed with a child who exhibits all or some of the above…don’t be ashamed to admit that there are problems. It’s perfectly normal. Our children have been dealt a hand that many adults couldn’t handle. They, in their short little lives, have had more loss than most of us ever will experience.

Don’t be ashamed if you have to seek professional help. I was there. I was embarrassed that we weren’t good enough parents to figure this out on our own. I was scared that we would be ‘labeled’. I was afraid we would hear the comments like, “Why don’t you spend some more time in prayer for them? Jesus can heal them.” Or ‘We deal with that with our children too. It’s just a stage.’ Or “You chose to adopt. Don’t complain.”

And we did hear every one of those comments. It’s okay. Talk to other adoptive families. There are many, many families around who deal with the exact same things…they just don’t broadcast it.

And for the record. I do believe with my whole heart that Jesus can most definitely heal hurting children. Most definitely. I also believe with my whole heart that He gave certain people the wisdom to know the best way to handle tough situations. There is nothing wrong with asking for help from a professional.

When a person is in the thick of a tough situation, it’s sometimes hard to see a way out. It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning as it’s likely to just be another scream filled day. It’s hard to maintain the attitude that ‘things’ don’t matter.

I say that because we have been there. We have lived it…and we have come out the other side. Sure, we still have our rough spots, as will any family, but God has performed a miracle in our household.

There is hope if you are reading this and feeling hopeless. Pray. Hard. Seek help. Don’t get to the point where you may actually start to resent the child.

Yes. That does happen. Sorry to burst your bubble if you thought I was some super-mom.

I have resented my children for messing up my ‘perfect’ life. For three months nearly five years ago, I was ‘stuck’ at home with Addie as she simply could not be in public. She had to learn to trust. She had to learn to love. And that time at home did cause me to resent her at times. My perfect life with my perfect children was not to be found. Instead I spent my days with a child hanging off the front of me…no relief until bedtime. I spent a solid three months without leaving our property. I craved time with other adults. I longed to be with my friends on occasion.

Eventually the time came when I could once again be ‘normal’…but three years after that I found myself stuck at home again. For months on end. No adult companionship except my husband and my mom. Really no phone conversations even as that is when Will was, without fail, the worst.

And once again, I found myself beginning to resent one of my children. How dare he mess up my plans? It wasn’t fair to Addie and Jack to have to miss out on so much stuff, but we simply could not take Will anywhere.

It’s at those times that we must fall on our faces before our God. We must pray without ceasing. We must beg Him to fill us with His love as we are feeling plumb out.
Wow. How did I get here?

I was going to write a really exciting post. I was going to be upbeat and happy.
I guess when I got to looking back on the past five years, I realized that they haven’t gone quite like I had pictured five years ago. The fairy tale wasn’t exactly a fairy tale.
But now I can look back. Now I can sing praise to my Lord as HE and HE ALONE has brought us through the bed of thorns.

Now I can rejoice in the fact that so much hard stuff is behind us.

I’m not naïve. I know that there will be many more trials. I know that we certainly are not done with ‘adoption issues’. I know that.

But I can testify to the fact that while it hasn’t all been fun, it has been worth it. Those two children snoozing in my upstairs are incredible little people. They are happy. They are fun. They are full of life. They are full of love for Jesus.

They are God’s gifts to us and I can only pray that He will make them into a godly man and woman in His time despite all my failings.